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Accidental Parenting
Accidental Parenting

Episode · 1 year ago

S02E09: Sleepovers

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Whether children should be allowed to have sleepovers or not is a surprisingly controversial topic. Col and Aubrey share the results of their much-awaited Do You Let Your Kids Have Sleepovers survey and highlight some of the reasons parents give.

So it's Christmastime, marry Christmas, merry Christmas everybody, and I feel like the Internet is ruining Christmas. So I get this idea of things that I might want for Christmas and the way the Internet works, as I search for something, and all of a sudden I have ads popping up on facebook, on instagram. Amazon's reaching out to me and it's giving me tips on what I think, or what it thinks, and what I think I need. Right. Yes, the latest thing. Do you know what I bought latest? I told you the other day I was looking for slippers. Yes, and since then I literally have had fifty different ads showing these different slippers. Yes, and I went out and bought a pair of slippers by myself. This is why I'm getting a lot of ads for edible underwear. Not Really, Huh? Yeah, that's the tricky thing. It's always been difficult to buy presents for you because if you want something, you just buy it right, even when it's Christmas is two weeks away. No, it's it's a bym. I need it. I really needed slippers because it's been so cold, but also I don't want to buy you slippers and you don't want to buy me slippers what you want. It's better for you to pick out your own. Here's another note about slippers. Well, and another thing while we're on the subject, and I was just literally looking at instagram a moment ago, literally there are slippers that are so expected. Slippers are more expensive than a pair of shoes these days. That's crazy. All of these ads of that I'm getting and yeah, they look cool. I want like the slip on slippers where my foot is half in like this. Slips. Slippers never look no, no, they look there's there's some out there, like Teva's got slippers and like all these really cool hipima. I've always said Tiva. It could be either war, I don't know. I'm curious now what other people look it up. Will fact check at the end of this episode. But they've got these slippers that look like okay, those are kind of cool looking slippers. If I have to wear slipper, which I do, they've got cool looking whips. Are All hundred dollars. Now that's the last time I spend a hundred dollars on a pair of shoes. They weren't slippers. They weren't slippers. So I got these four. I think thirty bucks at target, which is still a lot of money for slippers. And Mary Christmas, yes, and Mary Christmas. Yeah, so I wasn't planning on getting you slippers anyway. So it's good that you buy her perfect, perfect, just don't be disappointed on Christmas when there's nothing from Santa. From Santa. Okay, yes, so Santa Claus, don't buy me slippers. have already got a pair there. You go check and don't buy US paddle boards, because I also did that work and it was the same thing. I researched and I got all these ads at the same time. I appreciate advertising and marketing to me because it helps me know and it helps me with the research. Because that's funny, though, because we got those thinking it's almost the...

...end of summer, we need to get them right now so that we can use them, and then we never did, and then the covid shipping delay and we didn't get him in time. It was too cold by the time we got him, and when we say too cold we mean degrees, the seventy degrees in Arizona for those up north. Sorry, I had a couple of calls this week for work and some of the other people on the call were in Toronto. So I the stack of complaining about now. I did, I did. So we had cameras on right when we do these meetings, we we go camera on and I had to apologize to everyone because I was so cold. I was wearing my leoper print snuggie and I was so cold. I was like hey, everyone, you know, in fact, what they would like this. I was wearing a hood at sweatshirt. I said, I apologize. Normally I do a button up shirt. I'm wearing a hood at sweatshirt. He was either that or you guys get to see me wearing a leopard print snuggie. And of course they all wanted to see the leopard print sugga and of course I had to show them. I think you got that White Elephant Party years ago. It may have been. Yeah, it's and unfortunately, also years ago, some of our kids took compare of scissors to it. So there are some holes and we're still just fine it. I mean it still works. Oh that reminds me. When I was very little, I cut up I took some scissors to one of my mom's Afghans. She had crocheted it and I cut it with scissors in that terrible how can I remember? Do you cut into a crocheted Afghan's just got away. Oh, I don't know. I don't know why. What possessed me to do that? Just I feel like our kids have done that to other things, just if we like. We've had other blankets, yeah, that have been cut, and they'll cut their clothes sometimes. Our kids have been worse about cutting up clothes and blankets then their hair, like I'd rather cut the shirt. Well, well, I decide prefer that. Yeah, they also did have a hair cutting accident. Yeah, we've had a few of those. Yeah, okay, guys, we today are talking about sleepovers. This is exciting. We did a survey about sleepovers. Just that's pretty basic asking. You know, do you have sleepovers? Like, do allow your children to sleep over at someone else's house? And we could even share the link to the survey. When we published this episode, we had what four hundred and twenty eight responses? Four hundred twenty eight responses and full disclosure. We issued this survey. When was it? Like six months ago? Yeah, it was a little while, but wait, like within twenty four hours we had three hundred fifty or four hundred reponds pretty quick, so it's definitely something people care about that have an opinion about. It was really interesting to see a lot of the responses and and a lot of people's answers as far as why they feel strongly one or the other right and we've always been kind of torn about this. I you know, I went to sleepovers when I was a kid and they were fun usually and but definitely got into trouble at some of them. I only had one sleepover ever, just want total ever, well that I can remember, and it wasn't a full sleepover because I got scared and I had to have my parents convict laid over. It...

...was it was like a birthday party and I remember we're going to sleep and we were telling like stories about like this Boogieman lady and like the wind was blowing in, the trees were moving the leaves and I was like tap it out, I'm done sleepovers all the time. Would sleep out in our camping trailer and then leave in the middle the night to go toilet paper. Someone inevitably all the time, like almost every weekend. That's like the perfect getaway. Yes, right, I mean you're already outside, no one knows exactly, but it wasn't interesting. The responses ended up being so, for the first question was do you allow your kids to have sleepovers? It was about a forty split. Sixty percent yes, we do allow them, and forty percent know. And then a lot of people answered the question of you know, if no, why? Yeah, so we're going to just share a sampling with these came from. We posted the survey to several facebook groups. So it's a pretty it was a definitely a very diverse group of people, but definitely mostly living on the West western United States probably. So, you know, not worldwide, accurate for sure. You See, you're saying this is not a scientific survey, but by no means is this scientific. Okay, know, this statistical variables on this. What do they call that? That? It's the average, the mean percent of your asking the wrong person. So some of these class some of these responses. If no, please explain your response, for for saying not to sleepovers. They're they're pretty interesting and I'm just scrolling through a couple of them right now. There's one that talks about kids being completely useless the next day because they don't sleep at all, and that is so true. Right they don't sleep and they're grumpy. And what I found interesting about that comment is like, Oh, yeah, they're useless for work the next day, because it's like, yeah, you want to make your kids work and do chores on the weekend and then then they're usually here to tired. You're telling me you too tired to sleep, sweep the floor. It's funny. Addie went to a sleep over the other day. She's fourteen, and she texted me from the House and was like, mom, no one's awake at I'm so bored. I was like, I remember that. I remember being the first one I waste not having a book, not know, like just so bored for hours. Yeah, least she had her phone right. I didn't have anything. That was the worst part of sleepover for me. I always was the first one awake. Well then, I can't imagine waking up and mean like okay, I need to go to the bathroom and I don't want anyone to hear me going to the bathroom. That's but I think I probably was grumpy the next day. To It's sleep. Would get stay up a really late and then the next day I would still wake up early. In my whole life I've always woken up really early, regardless I feel like and just be grumpy and lethargic and overtired, and our kids is the same if we let them stay up late, so grumpy the next day. So I agree with that parent who commented that. Yeah, and then a lot of people just talked about family standards being different household to household. So, for example, restrictions on electronics that you...

...have at your home. You know, you have your kids spend the night at somewhere else and you don't know if you know what they could access on line that you don't feel like they're ready to see yet. Yeah, one of these comments here talks about the the lack of supervision. Right, I mean, if you know, we were to have a sleep over here, I don't know what they were doing. No supervision. Yeah, you don't want you kids asleep over here, we're not going to. I don't know if you want your kids over here at all anyway, because there's pretty much no supervision. Like last night when Aubrey and I went to go play pickleball and our older girls just left. Yeah, they're supposedly watching the twins. We got home the twins had put themselves to bed and we had we texted daddy and had the girls come home and I was like maybe we shouldn't be admitting. Yes, I mean the twins are old enough, they're fine and they were right now, they were next door. But still like if we leave you in charge of the twins, you gotta stay home. was please stay home. But a lot of a lot of comments, people sharing, not details really, but just sharing that they experienced or know someone who experienced some form of inappropriate activity, either a sibling or cousin or often a family member or neighbor or someone. And so they were just saying you never know who's a Predator, you never know who you can trust. You don't want to put your children in possible situations because even if you feel like you know someone well, you don't know right and and one of the responses here that I'm reading is something that we did for a lot of time we still do, is allowing late overs in place of sleepovers. Right, right. But I kind of hate a late over because then, because then I have to stay away to go get them. No, no, then I have to stay awake to go get them. I always mean too it'll be like thirty at night. Aubrey's got three pillows over her head, lying in bed, not it, and then she just like slips out of Oh, by the way, I need you to go pick up penelap thirty what? So too excited wake up so early. So it's hard for me to stay up very late. What she knows where we live? Cares? You just walk home, walk home four blocks and then I am one of the other questions on the survey asked, and this one got four hundred twenty four responses. Do you allow kids to have sleepovers with certain friends but not others? And that match pretty close. Set Forty as well. Right, sixty percent saying yes and forty percent saying no. So that was interesting as well. A lot of people saying cousins, family, yes, nobody else, or you know, a lot of people specifically saying like good friends. As long as I know the pair ands, I just have to be comfortable, feel like I know them well. Yeah, but this again is interesting because I mean, you think you know someone well, but you never know. You never know right everyone, when there is an experience that is tragic, everyone always says they were the best people. We couldn't imagine them totally this. Right. What was that? That show on Netflix? I know what you're talking about.

A captin conducted in plain sight. Set the one, yes, and I hope it in plains. Yeah, right, never would never know, though, as they're going through that story, I totally would have expected it. If you haven't seen abducted in plain sight, like it's it's pretty crazy how that happened. What you really need to do is look up youtube videos of other people watching. Yes, so and there. That is the best too. There is one scene and adducted in plain sight. That disturbing. Yeah, you need to watch youtube videos of other people watching it just to get their reaction. It is funny. For a while we would only have sleepovers with cousins and we have these really close friends that our girls always want to have sleep overs with them, and then we ended up using this family history APP where you can find out if you're related to people in the room, and we found out that their blood and Cole are cousins. Yeah, it was like fourth cousins once removed or fourth cousins something like. The Gulls were so excited, so now they could a sleep overs. Girl Poule Right, so funny, but yeah, it was interesting to see, you know, just all of these responses and I don't know, it kind of made me think about because for a while we've only had sleep over with cousins. But I do feel like they're missing they're missing out. It was so fun to have sleepovers when I was a kid and I would love for them to have that experience. And I think there's value too in having to behave yourself and and show good manners at someone else's home. So I think there are benefits. You know, there's a reason that sixty percent of these people said yes, we allow sleepovers. Yeah, you know, there are good things too. Now, I'll say I am much more likely to approve a sleepover if I know it's like a birthday party, where it's like a group of girls, sure, or boys or whatever. Well, not boys and girls, but if it's a group getting together for a birthday Party and Oh yeah, then they're going to wake up and they're going to do this, like, I'm much more likely to say yes, they're versus it was a Friday night and I just want to hang out a friend's house. Yeah, it's interesting because there are there are kind of gray areas where parents might have a harder time knowing whether to say yes or no. You know, if you have a if your child has a friend who's transgender, for exact example, or just like a friend who's a boy and there's a bunch of girls having a sleepover and the boy wants it, like yeah, you know, why should it just be a group of girls? And depending on the age, like gets a little tricky, gets tricky. Yeah. So it's definitely the kind of thing that each parents going to figure out on their own. There's no right or wrong answer. It was really interesting to see this survey with a lot of different takes on it. But yeah, I think it's tricky if you say my kids can have sleepovers with some friends but not others, for the friend to have to tell yeah, they're friend, like, oh, I can't with you, but net like why? Sorry, my parents said no because your dad has a creepy beard. Exactly go that, I'm sure. Yeah, if that, we get that all the time. He's...

...so offended. Yeah, your dad creeps us out. That's the reason I grow the beard so all the neighborhood kids are scared of me. Intimidation. Old Man Carter over there. Yeah, the one with the beard. They off his lawn. Yeah, that's right. You'd better stay off my law, all you people in my neighborhood if your kids are on my I'm just kidding. So I saw a really good idea come out of one of these comments where a parent was saying they purchased a Gizmo Phone Watch where their child could call them at any time, even if they don't have a phone. It was like from their watch. Right. But so when you send them on a sleep over, to make sure they have a way to contact you, and they had set up this thing so that that her daughter would have a way to contact her privately any time. They always talk about how she'll pretend there's a family emergency and come pick her up any time, no questions ask right, she was saying. I feel like it's naive to think that, you know, molestation only occurs in the dark overnight. It can happen any time, anywhere. So I thought this was really good idea to think about how kids might be embarrassed or scared to call home and say come get me if they don't have a good excuse, and you could have a code word that if they say at the parent knows make up an emergency and come pick them up, because that's really good. Kids not calling, even if they feel like they're in an uncomforable situation, because they don't want to make this embarrassing situation for their friend. Yeah, so I really love that idea. Yeah, that's a really good idea. I like that idea of making out of emergency, which is going to force us to play upon spontaneous game. Oh, let's hear what's your emergency? Let's imagine that one of our children is at a sleepover right now. You just got a text. Hey, mom, code, word, whatever. What's your emergency? Okay, I call her. Your Dad just broke his leg falling out of a tree. Oh, too harsh, because I don't have a broken leg to prove for it. If the friend comes over and sees your legs, exactly, yeah, can't have that fly go. You can't see it because I'm wearing these slippers here. There Se has to wear a boot on your legs. have to. We'd have to commit to that one. Would need to kick you to the hospital. Yeah, fake the hospital. First Instinct on mine. Oh, or our dog just died. We don't have dog. Exactly. Know, they're dead. The friend. They didn't ask when the dog died. I had a dog's a kid that died. Okay, let me think of another one. They Call, oh we've had an emergency. Your Grandma's in the hospital. MMM, you gotta have proofs. There's no Grad. Where's the doctor's note? The friend to be like, I thought your grandma's had already all passed away. No, you our kids have grandmas. Well, like I'm thinking great grammas of their grandmas. Both of their grandma's are alive and well. Thinking of my mom, I'm thinking our kids grandmas are going to listen to this episode and think I'm dead to them. All right, so gramas on the hospital. How about dad fell off the roof? No, no, there, you gotta have them know. Who would believe that I fell off the roof? Very well, I'm not getting up on the roof. That's a good point. Okay, how about, Oh, we've had some car troubles and we'll only have one car in the morning...

...and mom needs it to go play volleyball. We got to pick you up tonight. That's not bad. It's believable. Instead of like a medical emergency, just like yeah, not gonna have the car in the morning and then the next time they see us, Oh, both cars are functioning again. It's not like one has to be in a cast for four to six weeks. I like that. I like the car trouble excuse. That's a good one. Anything else? What about we can't find your brother, he wandered off, which is totally believable. Right, but actually that's a terrible but that's it. That's it. Yeah, scared in a panic. Well, yeah, because the kid wouldn't know if it's real or not. Right, that's thing. It has to be. You don't want to be something where they're so scared and panicked until they get home you're left just kidding you like this game. The school's on fire. They be like fire, we don't really know. Not The house. That's too scary. They're like, we don't really care, we do online school anything, no big deal. Some things on fire, the tree, some of our houses on fired, because that's pretty good. You are coming up with these crazy examples that are going to get us in a lot of hot water because we won't be able to prove that to burn down a tree to have yeah, yeah, mom cracked our phone screen and no, exactly right or as you chuck my photocross. Know you don't. We got a repaired. It is, but that's why would why would we need to pick up? We know would be the most believable for Addie or penelope is if we called and said we need you to watch the twins because we're leave. We're gonna go play pickle ball, and then they would proceed to come home and leave the twins here by theyselves, but they would believe that, yeah, that's true. Be likeing. That sounds about right, I think. So far I'm liking the one car trouble. Yeah, I agree. Oh, yeah, we've got a flat tire. Got To take care of it the morning. We'll only have one car. Got To pick you up now, because could be your excuse every time. Yeah, the tricky thing is what if someone's like, Oh, we can give you a ride. Doesn't work. No, we don't want we don't trust your driving. We Trust Yeah, we trust you to have a sleepover at your house, but we don't trust your driver. Kid Home. And what if it they it's like two houses down, you know, it's another thing. So you can't use that excuse if it's someone who lives close by all right, if you're listening along and you've got ideas for excuses on what you could say to get your kid out of a sleepover, please do it, please, please share with Las. Comment on our instagram. fromwhere yet? Leave it comments. Sonna, accident parenting on instagram and on Instagram, I think it's accident parenting or accidental parenting. On facebook and leave us a comment. Let us know what's a good excuse. You could call your kid to get them home if they need to, and we got to come up with a code word. Well, we're not going to share this on the podcast, but you need here. Sort of questioning, though, is maybe, as honesty, just the best policy here, though? Are we getting ourselves into too much trouble by by creating excuses? Think about it, though. If you know your kid with us, this family's there and they can hear them, they're not going to call and be like I feel uncomfortable, pick me up. It needs to be something that's keeping them from creating this embarrassing situation. Right. So this is a case where honesty is not...

...the best policy. You want them to be able to just call and be like hey, mom, can you make sure I turned off my hair straightener and that's the something like that is the code for I don't feel comfortable, come pick me up and you make up an emergency. I've got it. I've got the ultimate excuse. My parents just found out that I'm not caught up in my online school work. I have to be getting all bees or hire or something to do stuff, and they just saw my grade, so they got to come pick me up. So it should be right, because that's probably the truth. They're probably below bees anyway. Yes, I have to come home because they're in trouble because either grades are low or they didn't do a chore. Like right, I was supposed to caught my roomstic didn't. Whatever, you didn't. Now you come home and watch the kids while we go place like a all exactly. I like it erful. We have a good plan. Yeah, well, that was interesting. I'm curious. Yeah, you guys out there, if you have sleepovers with or allow your kids to have sleepovers or still have sleepovers as adults, I mean that's that's not called a sleepover, that's called a swingers club. That's like a vacation with other families, and then it's a sleepover when you share the same house. That's a sleepover. I don't think so. I don't person of a sleepover. Have you been vacationing with going to rocky point and sharing a suite, sharing a house? That's asleep we've not, but with no away we what's different? There's no difference. When you go to Zions Zion National Park and you share a Vrboh with another family and you hang out all night, that's a Sleepo, but everyone's got their own bedroom. That's still asleepover. Yesh. Maybe it's not a sleepover unless you share the same bed, bedroom, sleep sleeping bags in the same room. That's I'm just getting confused. I all I know is that the last time we did that with another family, my parents called and said I had bad grades and they had to come pick me up. So last year. Yeah, yeah, all right, guys, thanks for joining us. Yeah, see you next time.

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