Sounder SIGN UP FOR FREE
Accidental Parenting
Accidental Parenting

Episode · 10 months ago

S02E09: Sleepovers

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Whether children should be allowed to have sleepovers or not is a surprisingly controversial topic. Col and Aubrey share the results of their much-awaited Do You Let Your Kids Have Sleepovers survey and highlight some of the reasons parents give.

So it's Christmas time very Christmas,merry Christmas, everybody and I feel like the Internet- is ruining Christmas.How so so I get this idea of things that I might want for Christmas and theway the Internet works is I search for something and all of a sudden. I haveads popping up on facebook on Instagram amazons reaching out to me, and it'sgiving me tips on what I think o what it thinks and what I think I need right. The latest thing d. You know what Ibought latest. No, I told you the other day I was looking for slippers, yes andsince then I literally have had fifty different ads, showing these differentslippers. Yes and I went out and bought a pair of slippers by myself. This iswhy I'm getting a lot of ads for edible underwear, not really Hu yeah. That's the tricky thing. It'salways been difficult to buy, presents for you, because if you want something you just buy it rightwell, en it's Christmas is two weeks away. No, IT'S IA! By Im, I needit Ireally needed slippers because it's been so cold, but also I don't want tobuy you slippersn. You don't want to Fuin me stivers what you want, it'sbetter for you to pick out your oun here's another note about slippers welland another thing. While we're on the subject- and I was just literallylooking at instagram a moment ago- really there are slippers that are soexed slippers are more expensive than a pair of shoes. These days, that's crazy!All of these ads that I'm getting and yeah they look cool. I want like theslip on slippers where my foot is half in like holips flippers. NEVER LOOK! No!No! No! They look. There's there's some out there like Tevas, got slippers andlike all these really cool, Hipeba, I've always said Tiva. It could beeither war. I don't know I'm curious now, whatother e will look. It up wellfact check at the end of this episode idea, but they've got these slippersthat look like okay, those are kind of cool. Looking slipper, if I have towear a slipper, which I do they've got cool. Looking wiip there all hundreddollars hm now, that's the last time I spent a hundred dollars on a pair ofshoes. They weren't flippers, they weren't slippers. So I got these four. I think thirtybucks at target, which is still a lot of money for slippers and MerryChristmas, yes, and Merry Christmas yeah, so I wasn't planning on gettingYos slippers anyway. So it's good that you buyt your perfect perfect, justdon't be disappointed on Christmas when there's nothing from Santa from Sanza,okay S, so Santa Claus don't buy me. Slippers have already got a bair there.You go check and don't by US paddleboards, because I also did thatTa wort and it was the same thing I researched and I got all these ads. At the same time, I appreciateadvertising and marketing to me because it helps me know, and it helps me withthe research because that's funny, though, because we got those thinkingit's almost end of summer. We need to...

...get them right now, so that we can usethem and then we never did and then the covid shipping delay and we didn't gethim in time. It was too cold butits an we got him and when we say too cold wemean seventy degrees, seventy degrees in Arizona for those up north sorry, I had a couple of calls this week forwork and some of the other people on the CALwere in Toronto, so ite take of complaining about now Idid I did so. We had cameras on right when we do these immeetings. We gocamera on and I had to apologize to everyone because I was so cold. I waswearing my leopar prince snuggie and I was so cool AAs like hey everyone.You know in fact, doit like this. I was wearing a hooded sweatshirt. I said Iapologize normally, I do a buttonup shirt, I'm wearing a hooded sweatshirt.He was either that or you guys get to see me wearing a leopard printce snuggiand of course they all wanted to see the Leopor Por Sug and, of course I hadto show them. I think you got that a white elephant party years ago. It mayhave been yeah and unfortunately, also years ago, some of our kids took apaire of scissors to it. So there are some holes and we're still just fine. Imean it still works. Oh that reminds me when I was very little I cut up. I tooksome scissors to one of my mom's Afghans. She had crochetted it and Icut it with scissors and that terrible, how can I remember? Do you cut into acrochet AFGANS justgot away? I don't know, I don't know why. What possessedme to do that? I feel, like our kids have done that to other things. Just Iwe like we've had other blankets, yeah that have been cut up and they'll cuttheir clothes. Sometimes our kids have been worse about cuttingup clothes and blankets. Then their hair and like m I'd rather cut thisshirt, ell well iion. I I prefer that yeah, they also did have a haircuttingaccident. Yeah we've had a few of those yeah. Okay guys. We today are talkingabout sleepovers. This is exciting. We did a survey about sleepovers, just aspretty basic asking you know. Do you have sleep overs like do yo, allow yourchildren to sleep over at someone else's house and we could even sharethe link to the survey when we publish the Stefi. So we had what four hundredand twenty eight responses. Four hundred twenty eight responses and fulldisclosure we issued this survey. When was it like six months ago, yeah? Itwas a little while, but wait like within twenty four hours. We had threehundred fifty or four hundred Refonn, pretty quick. So it's definitelysomething people care about that have an opinion about. It was reallyinteresting to see a lot of the responses and a lot of people's answersas far as why they feel strongly one way or the other right and we've always been kind of torn aboutthis. I you know I went to sleep overs when I was a kid and they were funusually and but definitely got into trouble at some of them. I only had onesleepover ever just one total ever well that I can remember and it wasn't afull sleep over, because I got scared and I had to have my parents CONVINCled over it was it was like a birthday...

...party and I remember we were going tosleep and we were telling like stories about like this boogy man, lady andlike the wind was blowing and the trees were moving. The leaves- and I was liketapping out- I'm done sleep overs. All the time would sleep out in our camping,trailer and then leave in the middle hf night to go toilet paper. Someoneinevitably all the time like almost every weekend. That's like the perfectgetaway! Yes right, I mean you're already outside no one knows exactly,but it was e interesting. The responses ended up being so, for the firstquestion was: do you allow your kids to have sleepovers? It was about a sixtyforty split, sixty percent. Yes, we do allow themand forty percent no and then a lot of people answered the question of youknow if no, why yeah so we're going to just share a sampling with these camefrom? We posted the survey to severalfacebook groups. So it's a pretty. It was a definitely a very diverse groupof people, but definitely mostly living on the West western United States.Probably so you know not worldwide accurate for sure you see you're sayingthis is not a scientific survey. T by no means is this sanic. Okay, now the statistical variables onthis. What do they call that that it's, the average the mean percent of YasingHem wrong forso some of these ix class? Some of these responses? If no, pleaseexplain your response for saying no to sleep, overs, th, they're, prettyinteresting and I'm just scrilling through a couple of them right now,there's one that talks about kids being completely useless the next day,because they don't sleep at all, and that is so true right. They don't sleepand they're grumpy, and what I found interesting about that comment is likeOh yeah, they're useless for work the next day because, like yeah, you wantto make your kids work and do chores on the weekend and then they're use here to tired, you're,tellim you're too tired to sleep, sweep the floor. It's funny. Addie went tosleep over the other day, she's fourteen and she texted me from thehouse and was like mom no one's awake, yet I'm so bored. I was like. Iremember that I remember being the first one, a wast not having a book,not no like just so bored for hours yeah at least she had her phone right.I didn't hea anything that was the worst part of sleep over for me. Ialways was the first one awake. Well, then, I can't imagine waking up and melike. Okay, I need to go to the bathroom and I don't want anyone tohear me going to the bathroom that's, but I I think I probably was grumpy thenext day to with sleet would get stayup really late and then the next day. Iwould still wake up early, my whole life. I've always woken up really earlyregardless, I feel like and just be grumpy and lethargic and overtired and our kids is the same if we let themstay up late, so grumpy the next day. So I agree with that parent whocommented that yeah and then a lot of people just talkedabout family standards being different household to household, so, for example,restrictions on electronics that you...

...have at your home. You know you haveyour kids spend the night at somewhere else, and you don't know if you knowwhat they could access online, that you don't feel like they're ready to see ityeah. One of these comments here talks about the the lack of supervision.Right I mean. If you know we were have a sleep over Heari. I don't know ever,do no supervisio yeah! You don't want your kids to sleep over here, we're notgoing to E. I don't know if you want your kids over here at all anyway,because there's pretty much no supervision like last night when Obrand I went to goplay pickle ball and ourd older girls just left yeahthere'suspused to be watching the twins. We got home, the twins had putthemselves to bed and we had we textad Addie and had the girls come home and Iwas like, maybe we shouldn't be admitting this. I mean the tons are oldenough, they're fine and they were right and they were next but still like.If we leave you in Cherge of the twins, you hat to stay homehse, please stayhome, but a lot of a lot of comments. People sharing not details really, butjust sharing that they experienced or know someone who experienced some formof inappropriate activity, either sibling or cousin, or often a familymember or a neighbor or someone and so theywere. Just saying you never knowwho's a predator. You kn never know who you can trust. You don't want to putyour children in possible situations, because, even if you feel like you,know someone well you don't know right and, and one of the responses here thatI'm reading is something that we did for a lot of time, or we still do isallowing ladovers in place of sleepovers right right, but I kind ofhate a laid over because then because then I have to stay away to go. Getthat no n n N. no, then I have to stay awake to go get them. I always mean toit'll, be like eight thirty at night, obrees got three pillows over her headlying in bed like not it, and then she just like slips out O, oh by the way,need you to go pick up, panelapd eleven thirtyht, what Yit' so too excite WAE up so earlyso,it's hard for me to stay up very late whatif. She knows where we live, can'tshe just walk home, walk home for blocks and m. One of the other questions on thissurvey asked in this one. We got four hundred an twenty four responses. Doyou allow kids to have sleepovers with certain friends, but not others, andthat match pretty close, sixty forty as well right it sixty percent, saying yesand forty percent sing? No, so that was interesting as well. Lot of peoplesaying cousins, family. Yes, nobody else or you know a lot of peoplespecifically saying like good friends. As long as I know the parents I justhave to be comfortable feel like I know them well yeah, but this again is interesting, becauseI mean you think you know someone well that you never know. You never knowright eeveryone when there is an experience that is tragic. Everyonealways says they were the best people. We couldn't imagine them and totalingthis right. What was that that show on Netflix?...

I know what you're talking about abouta cautting oductive in plainsit set the One yes and I id IM plans. Yeah right,never would have ever know, though, as they're going through that story, Itotally would have expected it if you haven't seen abducted in plain sight,like it's, it's pretty crazy. How that happened.What you really need to do is look up youtube videos of other people watchingas so, and that is the best o. There is one scene and adducted in playing site.The disturbing yeah you need to watch youtube videos of other people watchingit just to get their reaction. Yes, that's funny for a while, we would onlyhave sleep overs with cousins, and we have these really close friends thatour girls always wanted have sleep borbers with them, and then we ended upusing this family history APP where you can find out if you're related topeople in the room- and we found out that they god and coal, our cousinsyeah. It was like fourth cousins once removed or fourth cousins, somethinglike that. ASE were so excited SA. Now they can sleep, Oer, Gopaul, ight so funny, but yeah. It wasinteresting to see you know just all of these responses- and I don't know it kind of made methink about, because for a while, we've only had superfeate with cousins, but Ido feel like they're missing they're missing out. It was so fun to havesleep overs when I was a kid and I would love for them to have thatexperience and I think, there's value to in having to behave yourself and show good mannersat someone else's home. So I think our benefits, you know, there's a reason.That's sixty percent of these people said. Yes, we allow sleep, overs yeah,you know there are good things to now I'll say I am much more likely toapprove asleepover. If I know it's like a birthday party, where it's like a gruof girls or o boys or whatever, what not boys and girls. But if it's a groupgetting together for a birthday Party and Oh yeah, then they're going to wakeup and they're going to do this, like I'm much more likely to say yes, thereversus Otso Friday night, and I just want to hang out ot a friend's houseyeah, it's interesting because there are. There are kind of gray areaswhere parents might have a harder time, knowing whether to say yes or no. Youknow if you have, I, your child has a friend who'stransgender for exact example, or just like a friend WHO's, a boy and there'sa bunch of girls having a sleep over and the boy wants it like yeah. Youknow why should it just be a group of girls and, depending on the age like Igets a little tricky get tricky yeah. So it's definitely the kind of thingthat each parentis going to figure out on their own there's no writer wronganswer. It was really interesting to see this survey with a lot of differenttakes on it, but yeah. I think it's tricky. If you say my kids can have sleep overs with somefriends, but not others for the friend to have to tell yeah their friend like.Oh, I can't with yea it like why sorry, my parents said no, because your dadhas a creepy beard exactly. I got that...

I'sure yeah, that we get that all thetime hes so offended. Yeah Your Dad creepsus out. That's the reason I grow the beard. So all the neighborhood kids arescared of me. Intimidation old man Carter over thereyeah the one with the Beers yeaof his lawn yeah. That's right! You betterstay off my line, all you people in my neighborhood, if your kids are on Miand I'm just kidding, so I saw a really good idea come out of one of thesecomments where a parent was saying they purchased a Gismophone Watch wheretheir child could call them at any time, even if they don't have a phone. It waslike from their watch right BHUT. So when you send them on to sleep over tomake sure they have a way to contact you, and they had set up this thing sothat her daughter would have a way to contact her privately any time theyalways talk about how she'll pretend there's a family emergency and comepicker up any time. No questions ask right. She was saying I feel, like it'snaive to think that you know. Molestation only occurs in the darkover night. It can happen any time anywhere. So I thought this was areally good idea to think about how kids might be embarrassed or scared tocall home and say come get me if they don't have a good excuse and you coundhave a code word that if they say it, the parent knows make up an emergencyand come pick them up, because at's really good kids, not calling, even ifthey feel like they're in an uncomforable situation, because theydon't want to make this embarrassing situation for their friend yeah. So Ireally love that idea. Yeah! That's a really good idea! I like that idea ofmaking out of emergency, which is going to force us to play AA spontaneous game.Oh that's her! What's your emergency, let's imagine that one of our childrenis it asleep. Overright! Now you just got a text: Hey mom code word whatever!What's your emergency? Okay, I call her your dad just broke his leg falling outof a tree, oh too harsh, because I don't have a broken leg to proove forit. If the friend comes over and sees your leg exactly, yeah can' have thatfor the go? You can't see it because I'm wearing these slippers, Youti Youd,have to wear a boot on your Li, have to we'd have to commit to that. One wouldneed to kick you to the hospital yeah fake, the hospital first instinct onmine. Oh our dog just died. We don't have dog exactly now: they're dead, og, the Fre they didn't ask when the dogdied. I had a dog as a kid that died. Okay, let me think of another one. ICall Oh, we've had an emergency, your grandma's in the hospital mm you gottaHave Proof, there's no great where's. The doctor's, not the friend would belike. I thought your grandma had already all passed away. No, you! Ourkids have grandmas well, like I'm thinking great grand both oftheirgramas both of their grandmas are alive and well. Thinking of my mom, I'mthinking our kids grandmas are going to listen to this episode and think I'mdead to them all right so grawas on the hospital. How about dead bell off the roof? No, that theYOU gotta have that! No, who would believe that I fell off theroof ver, be I'm not getting up on the roof. That's a good point! Okay, howabout? Oh we've had some car troubles...

...and we'll only have one car in themorning and mom needs it to go play volleyball. We got to pick you uptonight. That's not bad! It's believable! Instead of like a medicalemergency, just like yeah Goin to have the car in the morning and then thenext time they see us. Oh, both cars are functioning again. It's not likeone has to be in a cast for four to six weeks. I like that. I, like the car,trouble EXYEA, that's a good one, anything else. What about we can't find your brother, he wanderedoff, which is totally believable right, but actually that's the terrible, butthat's it that woul be card in a panic, well, yeah, because the kid wouldn'tknow if it's really or not right, that's thing it has to be. You don'twant to be something where they're so scared and panicked until they get homeyou're like just kidding. I like this game, the school's on fire. They be like, Oh fire, we don't reallyknow not the house. That's too scary. They're, like we don't really care. Wedo online school anyway. No big deal some things on fire, the be son houseson fire Dow, because that's pretty y. You are coming up with these crazyexamples that are going to get us in a lot of hot water, because we won't beable to prove ithave to burn down a tree to have yeah, yeah, mom, crackedhour phone scream and no exactly right or, as you check my phone across. No, youdon't have to prely got a repaired, but that's why? Why would we need topick up? We know would be the most believable for Addi or penelope is. Ifwe called and said we need you to watch the twins because we're leav we'regoingto go play pickleball and then they would proceed to come home andleave the twins here. Bu May sons, but they would believe that yeah. That'strue e, like that sounds about right. I think so far I'm liking the one cartrouble yeah. I agree. Oh Yeah, we've got a flat tire got to take care of themorning. Well only have one car got to pick you up now. Cat should be yourexcuse every time. Yeah. The trurky thing is what, if someone's like. Oh,we can give you a ride. It doesn't work. No, we don't want. Wedon't trust your driving. We trust yeah. We trust you to have a sleep over atyour house, but Wewe. Don't trust your driving r kid home and what, if ittheyre it's like two houses down. You know it's another thing, so you can'tuse that excuse if it's someone who lives close by all right, if you'relistening along and you've got ideas for excuses on what you could say to get your kid outof a sleepover. Please do it. please. Please share releve close on ourinstagram Oeah levn US GA accident parenting, anastic non instagram. Ithink it's accident parenting or accidental parting on facebook andleave us a comment. Let us know: What's a good excuse, you could call your kidto get them home if they need to, and we got to come up with a code word.Well we're not going to share this on the podcast, but you need hear SOMORT.Ou. Questioning, though, is maybe is honesty just the best policy. Here,though, are we getting ourselves into too much trouble by creating excuses?El Think about it, though, if you know your kid with the this family's thereand they can hear them they're not going to call and be like. I feeluncomfortable pick me up. It needs to be something that's keeping them fromcreating this embarrassing situation...

...right. So this is a case where honestyis not the best policy. You want them to be able to just call and be like heymom. Can you make sure I turned off my hair straightener and that's thesomething like that is the code, for I don't feel comfortable. Cond pick me upand you make up an emergence. I've got it. I've got the ultimate excuse. My parents just found out that I'm notcaught up in my online school work yeah. I have to be getting all bees or higheror something to do stuff, and they just saw my grade. So they got to come pickme out, so it should be right because, that's probably the truth, probablybelow bees anyway, yes, have to come home because they're in trouble,because either grades are low or they didn't do a chore like I I was supposedto cam my roo Si an whatev you didn't now.You come home and watch the kids. While we go play fokaball exactly I likeAnderfull. We have a good plan yeah. Well, that was interesting. I'm curious,yeah! You guys out there. If you have sleep overs or allow your kids to havesleep overs or still have sleep overs as adults I mean that's, that's not called. Isleep, oer thats called a swingers club, that's like a vacation with otherfamilies and then it's sleep over when you share the same house. That's asleep over. I don't think so. DOTERSNOTHESTPOVER in have you beenvacationing with going rocky point and sharing a sweet sharing, a house?That's a sleep! U, we've not, but no away, yeah! What's different, there's no differencewhen you go to Zion Zia National Park and you share a Vrbo with anotherfamily and you hang out all night, that's a sleep oo, but everyone's gottheir own bedroom still asleep over dish. Maybe it's not a sleep over.Unless you share the same bed, bedroom sleep sleeping bags in the same room,that's I'm just getting confused! All I know is that the last time we didthat with another family, my parents called and said I had bad grades andthey had to come pick me up so last year, yeah yeah, all right guys. Thanks for joining USyeah see next time.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (40)