Sounder SIGN UP FOR FREE
Accidental Parenting
Accidental Parenting

Episode 7 · 2 years ago

S01E6: One-On-One Time

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Jessica's lie is revealed and Aubrey gets some tips from Anne McDonald on spending quality time with kids.

I messed up on that two truce in a laggame. I said three truths accidentally. Yes, in our last episode, episode, FiveLights Out, ABR and Jessica played a game, two truths and a lie. So youdidn't tell a lie that you you're, like honest Ab, honest ob, I couldn't lie. Icannot tell a lie, I meant to say I have had a pet and that would be my lie.Othat I said I have' AD ofssee. I think that's still debatable, because eventhose farmyard pets that you say you didn't have his pets. They were so pets.I never petted em. If it's a pet, you have to pet it sometime, never everpetted any of them, but you fed them. No you've fav the chickens that yellthechickens are Pale. They're, not pate. Had it a chicken neverheaded is pettedor is it pet petded? I think I don't know. I don't have no idea. We shouldcheck either way it's time to find out which of Jessica's truths were a lie.Yes, the boats are in, and here it is okay, so Jessica we are going to find out which of yourtoo truch in the lie, which ones the lie, and I I don't know if this is fairunder the rules, but I want to ask one clarification question before I guesssureokay. Where is th? Where are the tattoos that are symbolic of yourchildren? Can you chap they're on my wrist they're on your wrist? You wereso ready with that. I thought that was the lay, but that seemed really truethat you knew where they were and were ready with that. Okay. So I'm going toguess that you did not um move in with your husband after just two weeks, so it's the Tattoo of my kids, I don'thave any TAT to O. that's really impressive! That you're ready an mywrist. Like I know I you know, I guess...

...it makes sense that you would be wouldbe ready with that. She Sur has a ton of tattoos, and so Ikind of thought, wheresh wher. She wouldn't win Tsom or I think she wouldput them well. You know we have to be ready on the fly. Oh, the park'sclosing. Oh, you got to charge your pajamas it's on my wrist. We get really good at those little wiylifes. All right, thanks for letting US knowwhich one was telay, absolutely iave, a good one over Hou too the tattoos wetotally should have known yes, but she was so quick to come up with. On Mywris SSISTING, I thought. If I could ask that question, then I would be ableto tell y pretty good yeah today we're going to be discussing one on one timeand quality time with kids, and we know that some kids are comfortable in acrowd with their siblings around and others are a little bit more stand,offish an like to to hang to the side and be a little bit quiet and it's notuntil you have them with their one on one time that they really come alive.Willis like that our son, he definitely does better one on one he'll get up inthe morning and he's so happy and good natured when it's just us and then hissiblings wake up. Oh and then it's whining and complaining and you're notlistening to me yeah he really hates for anyone else to talk over him orinterrupt him. He gets so fresh you're, not listening to me. Yes and he reallyneeds one on one time any time wi'll spend with just tim he'll come and askto be tickled, always anting an etickled. Well, the tickling is turnedinto a trend with the twins. They both love to be tickled, but they don't loveto ut a Li. They love he so they say tickleme Tiko me and when I say stopyou stop t me have to stop. If you don stop. It's like, I said, stop your wire,you still tickling and now they're tickling has turned into them. togoingup, I hate to be we gold, HADE BEING GIGO. You hated even IAS, an itist,it's the worst well so today I'll be talking to my good friend at McDonald.She is one of the busiest people I know...

...and he's mom too. For of the mostrefined children I have ever met. I'm looking forward to getting her insighton how she spends quality time with them and with everything else Shehasgoing on. So what are some of the benefits on spinning one on one timewith kids Weli look av an article. It was called what one on one time withyou does for your kids, which had some interesting in sight. It was sayingthat it strengthens your bond. Okay, it cuts back on their attention, gettingbehavior, which would be nice, so attention getting behavior, which inmany cases, acting out in negative ways. Yes exactly, and it builds self esteemand self worth in shy. Less outgoing children like sweet little will sure,and then it communicates to children that you care about them and valuetheir needs to make sense, and it may be the only way to really get to knowthem, and then some kids Wyou know or lovelanguages. We have to go into this a lot, but some of them it's just qualitytime just spending time with them is the way they feel left. Often some ofthe one on one time that we're getting with our kids currently is closesshopping for a long time. I was the one that would take the kids clothe Safpin,because I hate shopping and and not that I love shopping for kids, but youhated it so much that it. It was kind of default to me, but you won't do itanymore, raw shopping yeah! That's not not something I want to accomplish, orI want to tackle every now and then one of the girls will say: Hey I need tounderwear or I need a new Bri see mo o, find your mom don't feel comfortabledoig. Now that you're not taking them shopping. What do you do with them? Oneon one yeah, so you know the sporting events we'd both take penelope andthat's kind of that one on one time we get with her every now and then we'lltake each of them. Ord I'll, take hem out to a meal or TIKE EM groceryshopping. There feels I feel, like they're, always needing new shoes, soconstantly I'm, usually the one that takes them shoe shopping, but I've.I've found that there's a trend that usually mi one on one time with themand tells me buying them things hm, and I sometimes worry that that's my mydefault like. Oh I'm not spending...

...enough time with you. L, let me go, buyyou something yeah, that's, maybe not the bably, not the best iten. So Irecently went with Addi to the shadow, your student at the junior high, whereyou go with them to each of their classes and meet their teachers and seethem in class, which was awesome and the best was pe. I told Hou about thisAdio dodgeball, which was really fun, but it's been a while, since I've lapedDrsi for any of you that have seen the dodgeball movie there 're a lot ofslomo scenes, the Er one of the dodge balls are being thrown and people aregetting nailed in the face. This was one of those scenes yea, so I fr. I. Iforgot that you can't cross that lane in the middle there's one rule tododgeball the only Roledon't cross, the line, don't peg kids in the face of theball and she broke both through. I didn't hat har in the face, but I didcross the line of running to grab a ball and a cribed a ball and keptrunning, and God threw it right at a kid close range and they all stopped.An Ere like these panice looks on their faces like who's this Howeri'm far yesand Sois like what what Di they do. What's wrong and they're like you're,not supposed to cross the line, Ms Carner so timid, and shy and scared tosay anything, I'm like Oh, my madbut, most of the other parents, were justwatching off to the side. So at least I was participating yeah and all the kidsare looking at you like who's, the crazy mom. Yes, what Addie said? One ofthe KITCHE's like this biscuit he's a Tryhard, and I said: Oh, you want tosee tryhard watch this. I conser you try hard some other ideasfrom the article that you read things that you can do, one on one time withyour children have or help them Cook Dinner One night a week, so cookingwith your kid great idea: it s so much messy ear and so hard, but a good ideaworth it. It's worth it! Yes, whenever possible, take one of them to runerrand, so the grocery shopping turns out to be a pretty good idea. Directawesome, taking walks with your children around the neighborhood, it'sfree, it's exercise, Winwin and then...

...join them alone for one of theirinterests like PENALPI's soccer game. This next one I'm torn about. Do yourindividual choice together. Once again, that's GOINGTA, carsoff, oionreadingbooks together always grave home projects. They've got to be done, sowhy not do them together and then play their favorite game? I am up for that.Oneyeah you're, a game player, so I thought you'd like that. One up nextwe've got ABBRY's interview with one of her good friends and McDonald. So where are you calling me from? Didyou find a quiet spot? Yes, so I I am actually calling you for my car,my own and oservisiting an my darling, father inlaw sins. The kid can ofbedtime wullabies with his accordion, so any location N, my large ONA hi'd bealoud dagpipes. I think it was only thing that would be louder, witot BA ti.It is very close, so we have here on our bodgast today my good friend AnndMcDonald, and I want to start te interview with an awkwardly personalquestion and what is something you have wastedmoney on good question right, so many answers that I could get toomany have to think of onton. I would say that when my husband was,he was teaching at ut in Texas and he was kind of going Thoug the dinnerprocess for his current job, and it was just a stressful timeiilike. We gotreally into this online game, the AP colld plants versus ombis- I don't knowif you've heard to I haven't played, but I haven't heard of it. It started my Ansen to say: Hey haveyou seen this is after Christmas Brat? Have you seen that all the cousins areplaying with plants verses on the game, and I was like no Heit's actuallyreally fun flash forward said six months later then you've spent yourentire bank account ye more like...

...drining or bake account to like levelup the squash monster and were hiring babyfitters so that we can drive to Watperky on and sit on, er phones like earning coins tthuch, like we seally,Ot six months of her lifehow. Did you end up like? How did you stop theaddiction n? You haven't. You still play you fan play all the timhe ran outof money. We be all the level a wit at like twenty million dollars in coins.All hoir plants were upgraded, our zen garden with fully stuff like we couldnot go any so you maxed out that was there bad. If they had had it be likeunlimited upgrades, you never would have stopped you'd be doing it rightnow. I know we just don't have like such anaddictive personality and financially, like won good cout Tod Cup. So if Icalled- and I'm like, I accidentally spent six hundred dollars a target.He's like you deserve that, whatever it was, he deserved a bag. The there is nobad topic, Lik tire, a financial adviser who would make you Stochel and plane,is our badcup beok. There you go higher abotact, apparently hire bad cop to fixyour problems. Soann is one of the most accomplishedpeople. I know which you wouldn't guess from hearing about the plants versusobvioes, but she is completing a master's degree in business managementat Hervard and she's been asked to speak at and organize many differentevents, academic conferences, weddings parties, fundrasers. She has run eventsRIPPD to three thousand people with budgets of up to six figures, and butthere are actually an a few things that I don't know about you or that I'm notsure I remember correctly. So I'm going to make some assumptions- and you tellme if I'm right Orwrong on these Ari, think your favorite food is crepes. Ilove crapesut now and Bor seek frien so tehaps. They clapped...

...kind O, but I mean I don't want to belike. Okay, I have to say Os Emili KAPNESPA. What is your favorite food FROBA,something else French? Of course I love all things. F. Okay, I thinkyour first job was at a library. You are false. Y Fist job was at a florist.I worked in a Flore Torough high school. That's right! I remember that now I hadforgotten. You would have made a really good librarian, though I think you mustbe calling. I mean I read a book, a Leek for almost twenty years. I you'realways Tonis, but you are my source for new good books to read. Do I ever readthem? No, but I have an on going list. That's very long. Okay, your favoritemovie is bottle rocket. That is definitely one F. my tot favoritecomedies favorite moviess, really tough. I think one of my favorites is life. IsBeautiful, WIC IA with you when we were in collegee hysterically sobbing, likeo you ugly Cryin, the Theatr, the ugliest of ugly Crist, that when theyhad to Li e, carry the theterthere was no restraint to that crying? It's like.I'm glad that I'm with a friend that I feel safe, just sobbing uncontrollably,Okso Le Okay, here's my last one. I know youwere born in Canada, but I don't know which province I am going to guess.SASKATCHUWA. You are intr. I was born in Edmanton Elberto, Canada,Alberta bitterly bitterly cold there, like, I think, forty below pludg, yourcaren overnight, irls, ITW, freeze and the night I was born in January Ni. Mymom is: She was in Labor grabbd Mi down by the cul of his shirto thin kit meout of here Moom, I think, a few months later and they lived Tin Florida. I wasAE t Heit, Wi, panpover, gotcha hat's.

I think it's still cold in ValVancouver, though right it is it's well I mean it's at on the water, so thitKindo, better a little more temporate. So it's kind of like a chillier Seattle,gotcha yeah. That's definitely better for Hur all right. Well, I was whatOfer Four. I did pick things that I either didn't know or wasn't sure Iremembered right so 'cause I feel, like I pretty much know everything elseabout you other than those four things you dot don't cast me, though, don'task anything so you're attending Harvard, which isalso where your husband's a professor, I'm wondering. Will he ever be yourteacher so interesting question? I I wish HEU would be my teacher fantastic,so he teaches a Harvard business school and I'm giving I'm in a graduateprogram through Harvard Extension School. Ok, so he doesn't ever teachthem. He will not be my teacher, but IWILL say I have seen him teach, buthis students had to sneak me into the class because he refused to let me letme go to. Did you have to wear a disguise? I did I fully wanted to PAS.There's a girl that had staing here, abor her sweatshirt that she wore everyday. They snuffed me in and distracted him at the front of the fants Whel hecame in and then they announced me leging there and it wdefens me said thereason he would never have you in my classes, because he doesn't care aboutwhat anyone else thinks, but he cares so much about what I would think if YEUwould be so nervous andunfortunately. That is what happened, and he paid meto make eye contact with me the entire clas. Once he realized you wre in there I was making like heart eyes likecartoon eyes, n like blowing cines and bacing carts, with my hat like so inlove the whole time and it was to ridicul. I realized he was probablyright, and how did you know his students well enough to have them sneakyou in, I feel like you've done events where you've met a lot of them right. Ihavso. We, we one the several different things wo do, but I know I studentspretty well because we have student dinners which are actually besent outthe invitation today for the semesters.

We have three dinners of about fiftystudents and they conmerse our house and I fee them. I make all the foodfrom scratch and Um that's kind of how I've gotten to Knowal vis and I've seenphotos of the spread you put on this crazy amazing banquet with like these cheese, Gor Sharcutriand I'm just druling. I think her chees tray wavedwit six, forty someodd poundss of Cheses N pred, but it had been like a small side story. Wel Be firststarted doing the stim dinners. There was a student in roid class who he wasfrom India and he was the only child and his parents. His Mom was Muslin andhis dad was Hinju, and so when they fell, Modan got married. They weredisowned by their families and banishe from the town, and he was an only childand him coming to Harvard Business School was his first time away fromhome. So he comes to our house. He arrives early for Thi, stident dinnerand he says to me this is the first dinner I have ever been invited to, andI almost started crying e you pocom every night. Ot Darling- and we hatsuch neat experiences with the students, doing the dinners and getting to knowthem they're from all over the world and have such fascinating, bigger,backrons and now you will know them well enough that if you want to sneakinto the class you've got plenty of people you can ask. Is a bonus earyexactly, and I know you throw a giant Christmas party every year. When do youstart planning that is it ardy in the Workso, the Petoriy and the words of itHav people kesending me photos of their outpits consume. There's a contest foryour Christmas Ror Elto Overis, the most testive, which can be likeChristmas, Paganas, mhm or different reindeer questioms or who's the mostfancy. So it's like furs, full tugs, Singwim, there's a prize for eating atso you can come UN to Janas or cuging...

...like there's something forer goodcomoand. Are you doing the EGNOG chugging this year? We are. We are soAtaoe Liht, maybe our twenty Sevenh annual. So I've beendoing it tat, those fourteen. So I think this is the twenty seven I feellike. I went to a couple, I remember in college going to a couple that youwould do before we left for Christmas and they were always amazing. Iremember one of your sisters performing at one and it was fantastic, so fanmore than likely. So what other Um like organizations orcharities or anything else, are you involved with right now? One of themain ones is harvards Crimson Crimson parents, my sister lor her and herhusband, weren't herder, when he was finishing his doctorate and sheorganized that Clup to held families on campus and in business, school andMauri, and I became the Faculty Waon for it. So we we hose a fall retreat,which we actually had two weeks ago at her house, so they all go apple,picking a few minutes away from our house and then they come back for athey like Chili Cook, off and bake off and Bouncy House and Punpkin craft andall kinds of fun activities and th. We do a campus way, baby shower for anestudents or students, falses that had a baby that ecidemic yer, so you'reextrermely busy- and I know you have four adorable children. So how do youmake sure to still spend quality of time with them when you're so busy?That is said the question, so I I made this goal. What was it? It was pobecoasted ten years ago now that I would try to stund ten minutes ofuninterrupted time with each member of my family e day. It was in neer'sresolution and I thought this seee ee in sen minutes fiftee minutes a daylike I could totally do this Um. It was...

...the hardest ears of ISYEA, I'm makingthat face of the EMOG. Where you see all of the teeth and they'reLikeo'cause I I could never do that bd be so more ward, fifte minutes. Youo'LDthink I could do est of my kids are Jon. I mean most of them were still at home,not even in school, so you would thin. I could find ten minutes to spend withuch person in my Domin, but it was almost impossible, but I did reallylearn how Portna kind of an Anben a loter where accowd, distracted and busyalways molky cacting. I was by trying to mebuggle yeah. You wouldn't havetime to do it with all the plants versus Zombi's time rreally hard to fitit in. I know I mean whati Coul Beto. I mean I got ten minutes inevery day withthe plant and Ti Ioni, but my children couldn't do it can't do it. So what do you do? Doththey all Pli, persos, amys and sowas a family affair rtime to be te level. Maybe like watch this and likegive the pone to the hall like very well. I just beat the pyramid CASPLlike here. Let me let my mom. Do it she's really good at this? She does itall day. Jal sothat helps for sure. So what do you do? One on one with yourkids? So I interesting at elk at the beginning ofthis year. I I was talking to my friend. I Walk Mealin twot headphones with mygood friend in California every morning, nwith every single week da we walketogether, and we talking about how we were such fun. Little Cagmoms, like wejust wer great. You are baking an Dor hommen plato and cras and e per gateand how we feel like Prela TA. My kids are fifteen thirteen eleven andeight. So I have ten of three teenageer...

...almost teenager's voice, and so we'vemade this twelve golder activities that were Goindo this year to be a coolteenage, mom and and just one a month and one a like one of January was make playlist for each other or im onSpotifi. You can do it on Anyinyeah yeah, and so I made you know a playlistof like twenty songs that I love for each of your kids intwins four, myteenagers. So with my daughter, he's old, she's Eigt, we himself Hoaly, goedcrafts and baking and little kod stuff yeisetly, connect that way. Fer My poncool, older teenagers. I I needed something different, so yeah things like that d. We had a nightwhere we showed each other fun mes or funny. aking videos, there's a MIA woneabout how chocolate just kind of some more stuff, that's more relevant tothem. That they're, more interested in Vollolin is try to do one a month.So it's not like a huge undertaking, but I I ust want O, make it turterforget ten minutes a day if we can in once a month ten minutes a month, I can do SI. Actually I asked them when you hadTom, told me some of the things you wanted to talk about. I asked them. Isaid how how do you feel connected with ithme or how do you? What do I do that you know, makes you feel like I'm makingtime for you and they named all those things all the teenager things theyremembered at all like it meant a lot to them. Yes, it's working, that's good!It would have been ou if they're like no, I can't think of anything. I'venever seen you ICAN, never see you you're, always playing o games on yourphone. So here's e question I wan to know I'veseen some posts where you're able to get your kids to wear matching clotheseven now that they're a little older like and when I was there. I was therelast year just before Christmas and we went to that Christmas party and youhad a matching plaid scarf for each of...

...them that they wore without complaint.I was so amazed, I'm wondering like have they everresisted? Are Your older kids starting to resist that? So it's funny, becauseI thought okay, I'll just do this until they don't want to do it anymore. Yknowill can take their Kus, but my fifteen year old is six six five, sohe would be te ton a so giant children, aer children, so, but that thatdapenever came any day wer whatever they want to school. So usually onlyyou know church clothes or holidays or CAATOA, but they would siy the reasonthey're willing to do. It is because they are so all boy boys that I couldhave them put on by t e trash bag and an elpat, and they wouldnat notes theywould just go like rustle in the mud in the trash back they're like I, don'tcare its clothes, whatever theav like no interest whatsoever inclad. So it'sreally a laugh of them, caring or even noticing. I have noticed that a littlebit in the pictures. It's like pure apathy, sometimes now Thewe, do nothing that I do so much toconjoll them or now. someting BRIB E lie. No, they just they couldn't careless about closo o have them the video of their first day of school fashionshow, and it was the baskause they were totally in it. They were doing the walk,but just puropathy on their faces. Ame To me, funit is it's fantastic ge intoit, and I love doing me, like you know, timeline things. L K. They all standthe same way in front of the Christmas tree. Each year we pick a AOL, stand upthe front door for the first day at school 'cause, it's so fun to go back.You know fifteen year and see how they've changed in order, but o we dothis family pastae wer. We they tick...

...out. You know their first day of schooloutfit. We ded back to school shopping and Thento fashion sureer the kind Owalk into fun it yeah. The teenagers are not so animated ye o cool poorthese days, but it makes Iton Morler yeah, okay. Well, I want to play a gamewith you. You Know Me. I Love Games. I was always the one yeah, let's play agame, so we had to do a little prep for this game. Did Rory get you what Iasked for him to get you. He did. Alri have five papers Okn in front of me, sowe each have five papers that each have a famous person on them and we're going to each take thirtyseconds a get my timer out here and we have to get the other person to guessas many of these as we can. So you have thirty seconds and I'll go. First, I'mgoing to get you to guess as many of mine as I can in thirty seconds andthen you'll go. Are you ready? Okay, I'm ready. Okay, Righ, here's, my first one, okay, she'sa princess in England, Present Kate, Princ, yes, MORT MARKELL!Her maiden name is what he real hear: N Otmarkl, the other one K, Kate, the Minten Misoclose the first part of it is like not biit. Yes, I was going to say not thebeginning. At the end, you got it. Okay! Oh! I forget to start the time, I'mstarting it now. Okay, O this one. He was on Baywatch Um, he's kind of older,now, half a Holf, yes sane and half Ol Nice. Yes, okay, this Guy Hes a wrapperand he sings H, 's, he's kind, O old and he had a flattop cut and he's White Vanilli. Yes and then Oh my yeck, thisguy he's a comedian and he has a big fro of Orange Hair Carita. Yes, last one she's talk showhost that doesn't really do it anymore, er, the Odonald, Better O. Yes,...

I think I got Hem all 'cause, it saysthirty seven seconds and I feel like it was about seven seconds before Istarted the time, but Dngi'll never know for sure. Let's see if you can getall of them in thirty seconds, I'm actually going to start your timer andwe'll see. Okay, if you get hem before thirty seconds, you win 'cause. I firstsure took at least thirty seconds: Okay Ready Uhuh go. He he taught exerciseclasses to overweight women in the nineties. He has short hurly hair anhewere short short who's, always very tan baby in e eighties Ye. I can't think ofhis name. No, I lose I'll. Think bt, okay, Purple Rain, aretist, formallyknown prince okay, Um Bossor, the bit someone's Earo mctyson, Awtham UM superhat, a Canadian um WHA. Can, I think, of it, he's not the King of Canada,Canadian Wan Grut, TA, Otd othink of a hot Canadian prn prime minister, Canadaright now come on, don't let your Amerca, oh o, am my dear okay. I like aBirgin Madonna nn Ye. Yes, that's all of yours right! I can't think of theguy, the Exercise Guy, the ETERCID guy and I've. No idea who the PrimeMinister of Canada is that's, so embarrassing, Rory. How dare youembarrass me like this ure a little? Evidently I don't watchthe news anymore. It's been a couple of years that I'm totally in denial andhiding from the news 'cause. I just don't want to hear anythingokay. Tellme THY name Jabint. I CA'T who's the Exercise Guy, what w Haing. So you don't want to try my on Borte I'mgiving up. I really can't think of. I could cheat and Google it'd. Take me aminute. I can't think of it. Gen humping Richar, Richard Detman,Richard Simmons, can't believe I couldn't think of that and who's thePrime Minister of Canada and I guess, he's good. He istod looking justintrudo. Oh, I should have know that...

...yes, yeah Ma looking no one ever knew othe fin mister of Canada was until until such amcha. Yes, I have heard ofJustintrud I you know what, though I'm GNTA take a survey and and ask theaverage American if they know and we'll see, if, if nine out of ten, don't knowthat, I won't feel that I'm still going to feel that I should know and Thankyou for letting me interviewyou, even though I ended up being really embarrassed about my lackofknowledge of current events and world political leaders, don't worry and you gave all theimportant thingsy you gave me some really good ideas that I I'm going tothink about Um as far as spending more quality time with my kids. So thank youfor that too. All right, all right I'll talk to you later, thank you so much and for taking thetime to interview with abry what fantastic tips Ye. I can't imaginetrying to spend ten minutes of uninterrupted time with E of N in oneday too right. I think that can get more complicated, the more kids youhave if you've got one or two kids, it might be easier at the same time,uninterrupted is the keyword right, they're, alway th. They each needsomething and there's so much going on, and I need to check my facebook andinstagram at the same time there 's so many things going on, but I love theidea of trying to carve out something special to do at least with you know,once a month with each h and that's age appropriate and relevant for each ofthem. Yes, th t they're going to enjoy doing. Thank you, Anne loved it. That'sall for this episode on how to spend quality time with your kids be sure tostay tune for next week's edition on Hallowee. Pretty excited about that one.Thanks for listening to everyone.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (40)