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Accidental Parenting
Accidental Parenting

Episode 5 · 2 years ago

S01E4: Businessing

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Work travel can put a strain on parents who have kid responsibilities at home. Learn how Col and Aubrey have coped with work travel as they introduce their FIRST INTERVIEW with Jenna M. Jenna provides insight into what it's like for both she and her husband to travel for work with three kids at home.

I think you're aware that when you'renot home for dinner, I don't Cook well, yes, and no you either don't Cook or you cook thefood that I don't like to eat. That's true I'll make like a chicken pup, ee'cause hat is the worse. I Hate Chou can find Ow, you do, but the kids and Ilove it and it's winycase. There's two versions of chicken pup Pie, there'sthe store, boght, the freezer section, a chicken PUPPI and that's not thechicken pop ie you make and that's the kind that I have. It's like a home madeyummy chicken B, which I also hate, but I don't hate as much as much either wayyou either make that when I'm traveling for work or yeah I'll make somethingyou don't like or more often I make something very easy and quick becm inbean soup. That's Ityou also hate Havn. I also I dom and but that's easybecause you know: Oh, we have a handsom muster or Thanksgiving R, an the throadon the freezer, yes put it in the Isdapot, but sometimes it's even easierlike Casideis or something super simple and fast. That's like every lunch onSunday for but the reason is because I don't have time, I'm the only one homeyou're out of town, so I'm doing homework, I'm helping with homework. We really arm doing the homeork. There was such a true statement rightthere tay much as you try to get the kids to do. I mean sorry, teachers, I'mdoing everything on my own, and so it's a lot to to cook a big meal and cleanup and do all of that, and so often I just keep it simple. Well, it'sinteresting because when I'm traveling for work, usually my day still ends atabout five o'clock and whatever coworkers I'm with. We talk about goingout to dinner afterward and they usually say. Oh, you know give methirty forty minutes to check in with my significant other and I always thinkwell Al Righ. I can't callobre because it's it's the witching hour, it's fiveo'clock and she's tealing with don't call me at five o'clock. I've done itbefore big this day. It's like it's like this is all your fault, r, thekids yelling. In the background, the classic when a woman is pregnant, sh,'s, she's, delivering Sheshe's in labor deliver givingbirth, and this is allyou're youge Thi. I that's what happens when I callobrat five five thirty, younobetter right in the middle of homework right in the middle of kids,complaining about dinner and just it's it's, the thick of and all the peopleyou're working with are they're like single or maybe newly marr they're,like young yeah you're, like the old guy yeah and like it's just it's best.If ABBERA- and I don't talk until later in the evening after the kids are inbed- that's o the cater Ba yeah, though sometimes you'll call, and one of themwill answer on like the ipad At's, true, so a and well get into a history of ofwork, travel and myself in just a minute. But right now I'm not currentlytraveling I tongue for work, but I do commute it's. You know twenty five,thirty five minutes, depending on what traffic looks like, but I'll call homeor I'll call abry's phone and about half of the time one of the kids willenhance her because Aubry's itunes account has logged into the eyepad andkids are on the ive had h the best best babysitter in the world. Indeed, and H, you know I'll chat with the kids thatit's Kindof fun they'll tell me about their day and every now and then I hearAgrei in the background and the kids will say: Oh yeah, I'm just chattingwith Dad. So that's that's kind of fun, yeah, so coming up a little later inthen episode, I'm actually going to talk to o our good friend Gena myles.Who has a lot of experience with this with work travel. She travels like onceabout a week out of the month and her husband travels and he travels alongyeah. It's like fifty percent of the internationals got and N and weeks at atime right, yeah, but I know they have a really solid relationship and theirkids are extremely well behaved, so they might disagree, but every time I'maround them they're super polite and...

...they're kind. So they must be doingsomething right. So we're going to talk to her about how they make it work.Yeah, I'm excited to Ha that interview yeah, so a history of jobs. I, as youare, are listeners readers they're, not readers, they're, not reading, anthe,they're notthey might be readers. You Cal Bi do not mean to offend any of ourlisteners, but our listeners oumayor may not knowthat ireand. I are both previous teachers, former teachers and when Itaughtdid' travel hardly at all. When I transitioned into the computer softwareindustry, I started traveling a little bit more for work, and that was anadjustment on us and I'd start leaving home and, as we mentioned earlier, obristopped cooking for the OIT's, not that she stopped cooking. Is She ilimplewell and I try to eat healthy and she didn't feel like she had that pressureto try to ca females. Just for me, Ot me work took her to healthy meal. KidsO in the case n eat it exactly no big deal so once I started working. Thatwas great traveling, but I was working from home and that had its own, youknow, plusses and minuses working from home was great, O Youre done at youknow, werever. I haveen on your home ye h, iy Ri, anever, Iwas, O t homry. If Ididn't have a meeting at four o'clock I was done, I was pretty easy. I couldride bikes with the kids ride to and from school. So that was great. I couldbe there for school activities or taking them for to to soccer practices.That was that was really a big plus, but at the same time like there is abig plus for people who don't work from home. If your spouse is at home andyou're, not working for Oments, it's healthy to have a little bit ofseparation in the day and for me- and this might makel make me sound like abad husband or aboud father, but the the work in business travel was kind ofa break because we were around each other quite a bit. Yet en it's I meanit's. The whole absence makes the heart grow fonder thing definite. Maybethat's part of why John and Josha's relationship is so great on US 'cause.They never see each other EA love hearing that no, but when, when you were home allthe time, what West sort of Sart Ofta to start taking for granted the factthat we could see each other all time that and I got really tanned becauseI'd eat eat lunch out by the pool every day. I remember I was on a work trip. I I ran into a coworker and, and theywere like- why are you so tan and I saidyou know just eating lunch by thepool every day? 'cause, that's what you do when you work from home. Someparents feel travel guilt and I you know. I didn't really feel that until Imet a coworker who actually turned into a good friend of mine, I won't mentionhis name because I don't want to you know, call him out, but he every trikthat we were on. He felt obligated to buy his kids like a a really nice gift,either a toy that they had been wanting or a nice outfit from every locationthat he went to. That was that travel duty free well, no, it was we would goand- and I think one time we were in Minneapolis and we went to the mall ofAmerica- didn't go on the roller coaster, but we like we went shoppingand he got a bunch of stuff for his kids 'cause. He felt that travel guiltyas as a person who didn't feel traveled guilt. I thought maybe I should dosomething for my kids. Do you remember what io I started? Buying pens yeahlike a pen from each city, sovermeach city, and it's easy to do becauseusually every airport gift shop has a pen with Charlotte North Carolina.That's in North Carolina Igsh, I'm pretty sure. I hope you guys canfact check US later Charlotte North Carolina, so I'd get a pen fromCharlotte and bring it home. I'd get a few of them, bring hem home to the kids,and it was great. It was kind of novelty. But Um do you know? Where doyou know where any of those pes, I kind...

...of think they were like? Oh another pen,then I addmyin my mind. It was this really cool thing that they could growup. Having this awesome pen collection with pens from all over the world, don't know how? Where did you expectthem to put them? Like I don't know, I wanted to get a box for 'em, but then Inever found a box and I think we end up throwing hit most of a way 'cause mostof their o hem are in drawer in the desk. I think there's a Michigan one,you Mene He San Francisco one. It was a crab cloth, there ware some really coolones. I was it was a great idea. Maybe the execution wasn'. So did you buythose because you felt guilty that you were travelling so much or or did yousee this friend and you're like Ooh, a as a good idea? I I I thought, maybe alittle of both right, maybe a little bit gilt, maybe a little bit of it wasa good idea sure, but partly because I wanted my kids to be excited from whenI get home, because I get to the point where I would travel I'd get home and ty th y they'd be like Oh Hey, Dad Ey I've been gone for four days.They're e excited to see me Ot, you ere gone K ow. So if I brought themsomething, it would be like Oh cool, dat's, home again sweet. Would youbring up an some turns out? My kids hate pens, yeah imend Ye the other daywhen you were gone for work already and well came down. He kt got in the bed tosnuggle me and said: I'm so glad dad is already at work and I was like at first. I thought hesaid that he was. I misheard him. I'm like. I knowI'm sad he's gone too, and he said no, no, I'm glad he's Ge made sure toEmphasi the fact that he wasn't is like God, why wher, a la he said, 'cause hisface is so scratchy when he tries to hug me that she's got a beard and a moustacheand he's like Oh glod he's not here so and that's will one of the twins he'she's five and he'll wake up, usually what five so early I've thirty six. Itfeels like three, a aw alays still dark he's, always the first one up. It'salways dark and Abri, often about half of the time during the week she'll beyou know upstairs in the office where we record this potcast but she'll, beyou know, doing some teaching doing some tutoring and teaching online andhe'll walk into to our bedroom and if, if you're not there, so mad doesn'teven get in bed and he says where's mom, I'm like Oh, I think she'steaching come snugglemy and he stands there in contemplates for a few minutesbefore he does anything and I'd, say seventy five percent of the time hejust walks into the other room doesn't even snuggle me and it's all because ofthe poke bee. Sometimes he comes back upstairs 'cause I'll go to leave theoffice when I'm done teaching and he's right outside the door. Laying justaware just waiting for me to e. Did you imagine how hard it would be on ourkids? If you travelled instead of me traveling? Well, they probably get moreattached to you, but I don't know how people ask me all the time. Any timeI'm on a trip. They're like wow you've got four kids. How do you do this in myresponse every single time, because Aubri is a saint she's? I don't OsheDoi, I I don't understand she's, really good, with kids she's great with ourkids and she's able to manage it all and well the IPADS help I mentiond thOffa d hurr on the I yepyea that they're on the screen all the time butthere're. Sometimes I'm like here Havein I pet ie got to help pinelteoher. Sometimes you need. You need a good eyepad babysitter, yes for sure,and for me traveling, it's not like it's all. Glamorous y traveling is kind of the worst because I'll get onthe plane and if there's a crying baby lk I've had crying babies on a plane.I've been with I've been in the one with re CRA crying babs. I've been thatguy that ant sorry to everyone who was on the plane with me, but if I'mtraveling for Work and there's a crying baby, I'm like h this the end of theworld and then the nit guy next to me will take his shoes off or the personin front of you might reclined I've...

...seen somewhat recline their chair. I'veseen someone trim their fingernails. I recline my chair. Are you not supposedto Reclain Your Chi? No, I always revalane my chair. It only goes backtwo inches. There are a tall people, not me 'cause, I'm not that all. Butthere are some people who, if you recline the Cher, it hits their kneesand they've Gottn to e, never even thought about t an issue that I haveand I'm not tall. But if I've got my trade table down and I've got my laptopopen trying to get worked an if someone reclined their chair, it light Werkjars, the computer, it catches on the lttle lip there or I have to tiltthings. So does everyone who travels a lot and is onplan? Do they hate meright now? 'cause I'm saying I reclaine my CR business travellers by defaultusually will not recline their chares because they want to be courteous foreveryone else. Oyone else to do that. Interest table who dod you know.Usually it's a status thing and status sounds so weird bat airline status.That's what is people who have status? They travel enough to know that it'sreally hard on people behind you if you recline their share, but a lot of people who don't haveexperience traveling, that's the default. Oh Ell, im in the averse I'regoing to stop doing it because it only goes back a couple of inches. Itdoesn't really feel that much better, so good to know no t e airplane seatsare always the worst so yeah so to set the stage here, gentle miles,you're going to be interviewing her yes, she's, a great friend of ours, Josh andGena used to live near us in Gilbert Arizona, an my LETOA. I guess I meanI'm not really worried about stoccers, but maybe we should be arightlet me.Take that back used to live near us in Arizona, there's lots of people inArizona, really good friends of ours. They moved recently were sad to seethem go, but she's got some great stories to tell about travel. He andshe both travel, so excited for this interview. So I have with me my good friend,genamils Hygana, hello, how's. It going s so good, it's so fun to have you here.You know you're the first person to be here. Besides me and coll, I feelsospicial Yo should quite an honor we've bestowed upon you a took a lot ofconvincing and maybe a little bit of bravery. WEL GT DONA to be here today,but I'm happy that you agreed Yeaho Yoe right. I did have a choice to Eshemo.She picked me up from work, so in Brown me here now driving you to my housesowhere, I'm going to make you do this. Well, we want to start interviews withan awkwardly personal question: Bring et ready for it bring here's myquestion for you: Have you ever peed in a public pool? First of all, who hasn't no, butactually I am proud to say that I don't think I have, because when I was alittle kid my dad would convince us that if we ped in a pool we had a poolgrowing up. If we peed in the pool it would turn a certain color around. Is Idon't remember if it was red or blue purple or green? But so I was convinceda if I peeden the pool. Everybody would know that it was me and I liked a bluecloud. It would just rol me through the pool yeah, so a genius. I know my dadlest Saer. I never heard Yep and there were five of US kids, so he convincedus all so yeah it works, but I'm not above the ocean, though I'll P in theocean all day long. Oh, you ha everyone pees in Heoshyea who does there's nobathroom there Y, that is n the bathroom Batyeah, an my kids, unliketoscopy in the ocean, I'm not going to take you to a bathroom to I take asquap, though sometimes they'll go out and they don't go far enough, likethour toddler, we'll go and they'll pee yo, where it's shallow and you justwere seeing inesa jump down their leg. Yeah CAS at rappend to you, Oh yeah,and like lik down just sit just get your bum into the water and everybodyin yeah. Everybody knows exactly what they're doing out there ry, not aCIGRET. So Jenan I've been good friends for a long time, but she recently movedaway. So she doesn't live here close to me anymore. Are you comfortable sayingwhere you live or You'e worried about Internet stockers? I am very stockabl. No, we moved toVancouver Washington and how are you liking? It Um. You know it was a reallyhard move for us because we felt like...

...we had the perfect situation here.First of all, we had oring hol as our best friends down the street and it wasWasso hard to leave them and our kids are friends and we just had and AWSOM.I in fact the funny part is. We had just bought like our what we considerdour forever house and it's ironically, a couple of streets away from abreandCol and we had totally redone it and we thought we were going to live thereforever and while Wewere repainting and we're not housy paint, you did Reveryone, lould bast edger, she edged w o Te Lojer Yo go to get tapt. I justlike, I know, she's a woman of many talents, so we're working on this houseand we're almost done and I'm repainting the cabinets which is nofreaking, joke and Josh comes and tells me like, Hey. I think it's possible, wemight move, and I thought he was totally full of crowd and findsomething else anyway, long tery short, he didn't and we live in Washington nowand I still kind of hate hem for it sometimes. But it's kind of it's yeah,it's been okay. We've met a lot of people there and the weather is amazing.Our weather is a MAZ awful summer. Here summer has been a dream like we playedoutside all summer. The kids were outside constantly and and Thaso thatwe got yelled at by the neighbors AE. That's always the goal itithat's you know you've had to goedsummer but jealous. I would like to live somewhere where my kids can gooutside in the summer. Is that too much to ask it is an Arizinwe just escape?We Got Idaho in the summer. Whereyo guys are smart, okay. So I'm going todo some. Some really quick statements where I say something that I thinkmaybe I know about Yore I'm going to make an assumption and then you justcorrept me quickly right. So I'm going to say you grew up in Arizona. True, yes, coree, an true okayon right, you went to college in California Falls! Oh okay! I was wrongabout that and then you answer and say Word Actually: Oh, a SC, O, okay,Arizona, Mhm all right. You have three sisters and three brothers, one sister, two three brothers, I gottha three brothers got for some reason. I feel, like you had more sisters,ecause sisters in law, Youre got a lot of others that theyre actually sistersin LoC o guess your first job was as a lifeguard. I can't swim. My first job was atGapetas Piezeo snow. Oh, it's, a dull store that makes sense. I like Tegreep,Orlan dolls yeah, my mom ran a summer or not a summer. Sorry Christmas, likekiosket the mall. That was my first job. Would she be horrified that someonemight paint Ar Cloundri and one of Tha mells? Have you told your lest newsabout that? Yewe're going to do a HALOWEA look forward to that listeners about creepy dull, creepy dol, your momWoen? She upsoin, absolutely not! Ironically. No. We never were like dullpeople. She never had dolls, but Y. I don't know it was something for her todo. It was Christmas money for five kids yeah. It's Nice t. It would alsobe a good name for a pizza place, bl better than Sho Acheese, who hasthought of Apinochio Connection Neah, all right so well, let's ask a coupleof questions here: okay, get into the meat of this interview, Um what I know that you and goshvilltravel a lot for work es, so he just tell us what's that like? Howoften are you traveling and when do you see each oer? Okay, so a little bit ofbackstray? I guess so. I am a hairdresser I when I moved, I didn'twant to stop doing hair. I love my clients. I love my job and I feel likeit's one of those skills that if you don't constantly use you lose, and so Iwanted to keep coming back for a lot of money or a lot of reasonale ot O. Idoubted it really hot by this. I usual hear your flat, Nay, I rentok herwelit's, probably notth. It's really...

...not not mon money that I make no infact IAM, afraid to add it and then a shoeing here too, because there's nogood shopping in Bancase, theres valu end of spending, Wa Orit, probably costme more and probably in the neck. You'v got to see me. I get to see obraand, Ialways got to see. Abra well do dinner or something but Y H and I get semingsister soher yeah, so it's totally worth it but um. So I come back everyfour weeks and I just work for a couple of days and then my husband Um is ininternational business. So he when he travels it's not always short, termints,usually a couple of weeks at a time. So we both travel quite a bit and Um. Iforgot hat really nows one time you told me that your flight got in and Ymet you to pick you up, but he had to just like drop Ya Ara for you and thenhe left on his flightyep. And now you were like ships passing in the night.Exactly and that's happened multiple times and we're superfortunate that wewere able to coordinate it that way, but yeah that has been the story of ourlives quite a bit where I will arrive and he will depart or vice versa. Soit's almost like you're each single parent, but I mean I have te wher. INat, but it probably does Geel that way sometime. It really does. So how do you?How does it work with your kids? You have have many children. I have threekids, Eleven, eight and four Oky and one of you's, always there at least Ohyeah. We don't leave them home alone over long weeks or we're better parentsthan that not always, but if he's home he is doing all that like does he dothe cooking and cleaning and everything or do get home, and it's a disaster alittle bit of both enof the day. Yeah, yes, but he I, I think it's good forhim to have time with just the kids it. It creates a bonding opportunity forhim and so he's forced to do it all, and Ithink it's good, because hopefully that makes him appreciate me a little bitmore. Sometimes you know how much there is to do. Ah 'cause, our job is noteasy and it's never done and a lot of times with the man they go to work.They come home and they're done. You know, they're dad an Rvelveraif, it'sthe woman ro and the Ma Yeah like depenning, which partner's not there.The other one doesn't always appreciate how much is done by the ones staying athome absolutely, and I should say too that when I'm gone, I'm gone for likethree days when he's gone, he's gone for weeks at a time so yeah and I'vehad people say like how do you do it and really it's? I think it's funny,because you, I think you don't know what you're capable of doing until youhave no choice. You know and he's gone. I don't have a choice. They have tofeed the kids, they have to be Baid, they have to go to school. They don'thave a choice and you just you just function right because yeur o optionthere is no other option right and obviously you love your children. Youwant the best for em, so you just perform and also it could always beworse right, like friends that are have husbands in the military and they don'tsee them for months on end. So that's Er, you feel about complaining. Oh Yeah,Oh yeah, I've, no Ri at worse. You have no right to complain at all. Yes, sohow do you figure out like one on one time with kids? Are you able to do thatever or just now? We miss that at. I think that that is really difficult.That's something that my husband, a I have talked about doing more lately, Umbecause as they get older, I think it is more important to have thatrelationship with them and to have them feel like they can talk to you andtrust you and open up to you, and so we decided we were going to start takingour kids out on dates like individual dates, um, but I'm not in a Li. We'vetalked about, we haven't actle yet, but but our inattention, the plan is there.Our intention is good, but when I'm gone, he's got the kids all to himself,for you know the long weekend, and so they have fun and it's a greatexperience for him to bond with them and to I don't know, just spend thatquality time. Wel Really. What's the most important question here is: Whendo you have time to play pickle ball, N, always out of town, that's true welland W we used to play pookball every Friday, nightay night. I I miss that alot that we have her ds do. We've found that's to play with so ffend Ara.

I do miss pline with you. I am sad. Wewent and visited them this summer and we were able to play and it was so funand it was right at the street fhor. We found a sickeball court right by therhats and I had no idea it was there obbey found it 'cause Shtelln juststrangers like is anybody now o around face togrst person? Yes, actually yepright over there, and that, ironically, is one thing our kids have wanted toplay. 'cause they've seen US play it and so MHM, so that spent some of ourone on one time excepted us for and all the retires she plays football. Anybodyout there who hasn't played it. You are missing out. It's really good times,it's fun to play. If, if you playe, if one of you played tennis and the otherone didn't because you can't really play tennis together, because one of Yeso much better than the other one, but both of you can hang with pickaballtotally yeah an so we're going to finish this up by playing a game and the game. We're going to play says Jenahere listens to a lot of nineties, hip hop ninety's rap. Youknow, don't look at my screen: Jena, okay, 'cause this teeds Jus bace, here,O Kno can face Tis Away Ali. I am going to I'Ltell you, the artist, this firstone's ice cube and I'm going to read some lyrics and you have to finish thesentence. Hay raise some pressure. You got this. I know you've listend to allthes, oh a million times. Nines are my jams halfway home and my page are stillblowing it up today, I didn't even have to use my I want to see AK. That's rk. That wasan easy one. 'cause we be a little harder ready. This is snoop dog okay,two in the morning and the party's still jumping 'cause, my mama ain'thome Yesi, nice laydone, okay, this is Busta rhymes. Do you really want to party with me?Let me see just what you're, let me see just you're, so closy Ou. Let me see justwhat you God horror or me Yesif. You could hearthe actual tonly. I greble it and we're not sure that we're allowed to pl inthe song. So we're not going to. We don't want to get sued by anybody Osame Gena thinks for coming and chatting with me. It was so fine I oureally didn't want to, and I plaged I heard you and I'm glad that you werewilling. Thank you. What, if an interview thanks Jenna gladyou got to be our first interview E. is that right? Yes, hat s theword at Abry,you got to be the first interve were howd. I D, You did great rangful jobreally appreciate, Genna your time and effort going into that D and travelingall the way down from Vancouver Washington. Just for this interview,the CHEC is in the male for that reimbursement lets rap this episode with a quick game.I Oh yeah, you know I I'L Have T E game mataand. I don't know what this one is.I haven't told you yet so this game we're going to each open the photos onour phones and you're going to say the fifth photo like go back fire and witAl Whell, you're, opening your photos, ol explain what Minis I had to send apicture today of something I might wear to the Guenstafanni concert in Vegasthat I'm going too soon with Um a group of girls that are all going to dresslike bananas or some form of Banana clothing, and so this is a picture ofyou wan to describe that. Is it men or women that is mens.Allright riing like either way it is a rumper. Yes, that's it is a summershort and short sleeve Bromperheel Romper, with Benana sovered in Bananaoverd and bananus, which hip up rodly. It is a zip up, rumper, which I wouldtotally wear, but it only comes in men's sizes, which is the weirdestthing ever arhany listeners out there. If you own a clothing brand or designwomen's robber with Bananaaranayeah,...

...then I need one there's demand by atleast opera. That's my fifth Thodo! What's all right, my fifth photo.Actually, this is kind of cool number. Five is a screen shot of the accidentalparenting podcast on Apple Podcat, a Isai Yeah I san the string shout oan. Iwas non. Tarwe got tapprove for Apple pod, cast a e lodify, a stitcher appleanywhere. You Get pod CAS ther, THAT'S OUR GOL AD GAS! That's our goal is tobe everywhere and we are officially on Apple, so that was it waspwas exciting.It took a screen chut and sent it to me. T was so exciting. That's it for ourepisode on business, travel and parenting. We'll see you next time.

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