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Accidental Parenting
Accidental Parenting

Episode 5 · 3 years ago

S01E4: Businessing

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Work travel can put a strain on parents who have kid responsibilities at home. Learn how Col and Aubrey have coped with work travel as they introduce their FIRST INTERVIEW with Jenna M. Jenna provides insight into what it's like for both she and her husband to travel for work with three kids at home.

I think you're aware that when you're not home for dinner, I don't Cook. Well, yes, and no, you either don't Cook or you cook the food that that I don't like to eat. That's true. I'll make like a chicken pot pie, because I know that is the worst. I hate chicken pine now, you dare, but the kids and I love it. And it's funny cause there's two versions of chicken pot pie. There's the store bought, the Freezer Section Chicken Poppie, and that's not the chicken pot pie you make, and that's the kind that I know. It's like a homemade, yummy chicken pick, which I also hate, but I don't hate as much much. Either way, you either make that when I'm traveling for work or yeah, I'll make something you don't like, or more often I make something very easy and quick because I'm and being soup. That's it. You also hate having I also. I do make that and then, but that's easy because you know, we have a handsome luster or Thanksgiving her in the throat in the freezer. Yes, put it in the INSTA pot, but sometimes it's even easier, like Casidias or something super simple and fast. That's like every lunch on Sunday for me, though, but the reason is because I don't have time. I'm the only one home, you're out of town. So I'm doing homework. I'm helping with homework. That would really I'm doing the homework. That was such a true statement right there. To stay as much as you try to get the kids to do. I mean, sorry, teachers, I'm doing everything on my own, and so it's a lot to cook a big meal and clean up and do all of that, and so often I just keep it simple. Well, it's interesting because when I'm traveling for work, usually my day still ends at about five o'clock and whatever coworkers I'm with, we talked about going up to dinner afterward and they usually say, Oh, you know, give me thirty, forty minutes to check in with my significant other, and I always think, well, all right, I can't call obbrey because it's it's the witching hour. It's five o'clock and she's dealing with don't call me if I've o'clock. I've done it before. Big Mistake. It's like it's like this is all your faults right here, the kids yelling in the background. It's the classic when a woman is pregnant, she's delivering, she's in Labor, delivered, giving birth, and this is all your you did this to me. That's what happens when I call Aubrey at thirty, you know better, right in the middle of homework, right in the middle of kids complaining about dinner, and just it's the thick of it. And all the people you're working with her. They're like single or maybe newly mayor they're like young, yeah, you're like the old guy. Yeah, and I'm like, it's just it's best if Aubrey and I don't talk until later in the evening, after the kids are in bed. That's from the cats Turin bed. Yeah, though, sometimes you'll call and one of them will answer on like the ipad there. It's true what so and we'll get into a history three of work travel in myself and just a minute. But right now I'm not currently traveling a ton for work, but I do commute and it's, you know, twenty five, thirty five minutes, depending on what traffic looks like. But I'll call home or I'll call Aubrey's phone and about half of the time one of the kids will answer because Aubrey's itunes account is locked into the IPAD and kids are on the IPAD. The Best Best Babysitter in the world indeed. And you know, I'll chat with the kids. It's kind of fun. They'll tell me about their day and every now and then I hear Aubrey in the background and the kids will say, Oh, yeah, I'm just chatting with Dad. So that's that's kind of fun. Yeah, so coming up a little later in the episode, I'm actually going to talk to our good friend Jene Miles, who has a lot of experience with this, with work travel. She travels like once about a week out of the month, and her husband travels about he travels a lot. Yeah, like fifty percent of the internationals and and and weeks at a time, right. Yeah, but I know they have a really solid relationship and their kids are extremely well behaved. So they might disagree, but every time I'm around them they're super polite and they're kind,...

...so they must be doing something right. So we're going to talk to her about how they make it work. Yeah, I'm excited to hear that interview. Yeah, so a history of jobs. I, as you are are listeners, readers, they're not readers. They're not reading. As they're not reading, they might be readers. You can get listening about thought. I do not mean to offend any of our listeners, but our listeners. You may or may not know that ibry and I are both previous teachers, former teachers, and when I taught didn't travel hardly at all. When I transitioned into the computer software industry I started traveling a little bit more for work and that was an adjustment on us and I'd start leaving home and, as we mentioned earlier, Aubrey stopped cooking for the kid. No, it's not that she stopped cooking. Is She's kind of high simple well, and I try to eat healthy and she didn't feel like she had that pressure to try to healthy meals just for me. But more work took us a healthy meal kids all in the case, you're didn't eat it exactly. No big deal. So once I started working, that was great traveling, but I was working from home and that had its own, you know, pluses and is. Working from home was great that you're done at you know, or whenever I was done your home. Yeah, home already. Whenever I was done home, or if I didn't have a meeting at four o'clock, I was done. It was pretty easy. I could ride bikes with the kids ride to and from school, so that was great. I could be there for school activities or taking them for to soccer practices. That was that was really a big plus. But at the same time, like there is a big plus for people who don't work from home, if your spouse is at home and you're not working from moments, it's healthy to have a little bit of separation in the day and for me, and this might make least make me sound like a bad husband or about father, but the work and business travel was kind of a break because we were around each other quite a bit. Yeah, well, and it's I mean it's the whole absence makes the heart grow fonder thing. Definitely. Maybe that's part of why Jenna and Josh's relationship is so great. It's because they never see each other. But they're gonna love it. They're gonna love hearing that. No, but when when you were home all the time, it was still sort of started take to start taking for granted the fact that we could see each other all the time. That and I got really tanned because I'd eat, eat lunch out by the pool every day. I remember I was on a work trip and life I ran into a coworker and they were like why are you so damned and I said, you know, just eating lunch by the pool every day because that's what you do when you work from home. Some parents feel travel guilt and I, you know, I didn't really feel that until I met a coworker who actually turned into a good friend of mine. I won't mention his name because I don't want to, you know, call him out, but he every trip that we were on, he felt obligated to buy his kids, I can really nice gift, either a toy that they had been wanting or a nice outfit from every location that he went to. It was that travel duty free? Well, no, it was. We would go and I think one time we were in minneaple list and we went to the mall of America. Didn't go on the roller coaster, but we like, we went shopping and he got a bunch of stuff for his kids because he felt that travel guilt. And as as a person who didn't feel traveled guilt, I thought, well, maybe I should do something for my kids. Do you remember what a study started buying pens. Yeah, like a pain from each city that had so for each city. And it's easy to do because usually every airport gift shop has a pen with Charlotte, North Carolina. That's in North Carolina, right. Sure, South Carolina? Now I'm pretty sure it's north. I hope you guys can fact check US later. But Charlotte, North Carolina. So I'd get a pen from Charlotte and bring it home. I'd get a few of them, bring them home to the kids and it was great. It was kind of novelty. But do you know where? Do you know where any of those pens I I kind of think they were...

...like Oh, another pen then in I had in my in my mind it was this really cool thing that they could grow up having this awesome pen collection with pens from all over the world. I don't know. How where did you expect them to put them? Like? I don't know. I wanted to get a box for him, but then I never found a box and I think we end up throwing a most of a way because most of them are are in the drawer in the desk. But I think there's a Michigan one. Yeah, there's. You remember the San Francisco when it was a crab cloth. Yeah, there's some really cool ones. I was a it was a great idea. Maybe the execution was so did you buy those because you hell guilty that you're traveling so much, or or did you see this friend and you're like Oh, yes, a good idea. I thought maybe a little of both. Right, maybe a little bit guilt, maybe a little bit of it was a good idea, sure, but partly because I wanted my kids to be excited for when I got home, because I get to the point where I would travel, I'd get home and they'd be like, Oh Hey, dad, he does a gay I've been gone for four days. They're really excited to see me. Oh what, you were gone, you know. So if I brought them something, it would be like Oh, cool, dad's home again. Sweet, which bring up pen. Awesome. Turns out my kids hate pens. Yeah, there Ren. See the other day when you were gone for work already and will came down, he can't gotten the bed to snuggle me and said, I'm so glad dad is already at work, and I was like, but first I thought he said that. He was like misheard him. I'm like I know, I'm sad he's gone to and he said no, no, I'm glad he's gone. He made sure to emphasize the fact that he wasn't. Like God, why where was he saying he's glad? He said because his face is so scratchy when he tries to Ug me that's got a beard and a mustache and he's like, Oh God, he's not here. So and that's will, one of the twins. He's five and he'll wake up usually what five, so early, five hundred and thirty six, it feels like three. Ao Is that starts. Always still dark. He's always the first it up. It's always dark. And Aubrey often, about half of the time during the week, she'll be, you know, upstairs in the office where we record this podcast, but she'll be, you know, doing some teaching, doing some tutoring and teaching online. And he'll walk into the to our bedroom and if you're not there, so mad doesn't even get in bed and he says where's mom like Oh, I think she's teaching, comes snuggle me and he stands there and contemplates for a few minutes before he does anything. And I'd say seventy five percent of the time he just walks into the other room, doesn't even snuggle me, and it's all because of the pokey be sometimes he comes back upstairs because I'll go to leave the office when I'm done teaching and he's right outside the door laying just we're just waiting for me to be done. Did you imagine how hard it would be on our kids if you traveled instead of me traveling? I well, they probably get more attached to you, but I don't know how to. People ask me all the time any time I'm on a trip. They're like, wow, you've got four kids. How do you do this? In my response every single time, because Aubrey is a saint and she's I don't know, she doesn't I don't understand. She's really good with kids, she's great with our kids and she's able to manage it all. and well, the IPADS help that. I've mentioned that often they hurt you on the IPAD. Yeah, yeah, not that they're on the screen all the time, but there's sometimes that I'm like here, haven't I pad, I got to help penelpe with. There are sometimes you need you need a good ipad babysitter. Yeah, for sure, and and for me traveling, it's not like it's all glamorous right. Traveling is kind of the worst because I'll get on the plane and if there's a crying baby, look, I've had crying babies on a plane. I've been with a I've been in the one with ree crying, crying babies. I've been that guy. That's a rant. Sorry to everyone who was on the plane with me, but if I'm traveling for Work and there's a crying baby, I'm like, this is the end of the world, and then that I guy next to me will take his shoes off, or the person in front...

...of you might recline. I've seen somewhat recline their chair. I've seen someone trim their fingernails. Wait, I recline my chair. Are you not supposed to recline your chair? No, I always reclaim my chair. It only goes back to inches. There are tall people, not me, because I'm not that tall, but there are some people who, if you recline the chair, it hits their knees and they've gotten a son. Never even thought about it. An issue that I have, and I'm not tall, but if I've got my tray table down and I've got my laptop. We'll been trying to get work done. If someone reclined their chair, it like work jars the computer. It catches on the little lip there or I have to tilt things. So does everyone who travels a lot and is on planet. They hate me right now because I'm saying I recline my chair. Business travelers, by default, usually will not recline their shares because they want to be courteous for everyone else. One else to do that interest table? Who Does know? Usually it's a status thing, and status sounds so weird, but airline status. That's what it is. People who have status, they travel enough to know that it's really hard on people behind you if you're replying their share. But a lot of people who don't have experienced traveling that's the default. Oh well, I'm there for sure going to stop doing it because it only goes back a couple inches. It doesn't really feel that much better. So good to know. No, airplane seats are always the worst. So yeah. So to set the stage here, gentle miles, you're going to be interviewing her. Yes, she's a great friend of ours. Josh and Jenna used to live near us in Gilbert Arizona. Am I allowed to say? I guess. I mean I'm not really worried about stockers, but maybe we should be. All right. Let me take that back. Used to live near us in Arizona. There's lots of people in Arizona really good friends of ours. They moved recently. We're sad to see them go. But she's got some great stories to tell about travel. He and she both travel. So excited for this interview. So I have with me my good friend Jenna Miles. The Hi. Jenna, hello, how's it going? So good. It's so fun to have you here. You know you're the first person to be here besides me and Cole. I feel so spash you should. It's quite an honor we've bestowed upon you. It actually took a lot of convincing and maybe a little bit of brabery well that get Jenna to be here today, but I'm happy that you agreed. Yeah, so we're right. I didn't have a choice to say. She picked me out from work, so didn't brought me here now driving you to my house. We're going to make you do this. Well, we want to start interviews with an awkwardly personal question. Okay, bring ready for it, you bring it. So here's my question for you. Have you ever peed in a public pool? First of all, who hasn't? No, but actually, I am proud to say that I don't think I have, because when I was a little kid, my dad would convince us that if we peed in a pool, we had a pool growing up. If we peed in the pool, it would turn a certain color around us. I remember if it was red or blue, purple Green. But so I was convinced if I pee in the pool, everybody would know that it was me and I like the blue cloud out. It would just follow me through the pool. Yeah, so it's genius. I know. My Dad's Best I've ever hurt. Yep, and there are five of US kids. So he convinced us all. So, yeah, it worked. But I'm not above the ocean, though. I'll pee in the ocean all day long. Oh you have well, everyone pe's in the ocean. Yeah, that WHO does sound there's no bathroom there. Yea, that is the bathroom. That is. Yeah, and my kids I'm like just go pee in the ocean, I'm not going to take you to a bathroom. So I take a squat. Yeah, though, sometimes they'll go out and they don't go far enough, like you're toddler will go and they'll pee where it's shallow and you just are seeing the pennystrea trip down their leges. That are happened to you? Oh Yeah, and I'm like sit down, just sit down, just get your bum into the water. And everybody, I'm saying, yeah, everybody knows exactly what they're doing on there. That's very not a secret. So Jenna and I've been good friends for a long time, but she recently moved away, so it doesn't live here close to me anymore. Are you comfortable saying where you live or you worried about Internet stockers, I'm very stuck. Well, no, we moved to Vancouver, Washington, and how are you liking it? You know,...

...it was a really hard move for us because we felt like we had the perfect situation here. First of all, we had Auburn Cole as, our best friends down the street, yes, and it was, you look, so hard to leave them, and our kids are friends and we just had an awesome life. In fact, the funny part is we had just bought like our what we considered our forever house, and it's ironically a couple streets away from Auburn Cole and we had totally redone it. We thought we're going to live there forever. And while we're repainting and working on the house, we paint. You did avery. Avery was the best edger. She edged all we ached a lot ery. You don't get tape. I'm just like, I know just she's a woman of many talents. So we're working on this house and we're almost done and I'm repainting a cabinets, which is no freaking joke, and Josh comes and tells me like, Hey, I think it's possible we might move and I thought he was totally full of crap. He'd find something else anyway. Long Story Short, he didn't and we live in Washington now and I still kind of hate him for it sometimes, but it's kind of it's yeah, it's been okay. Yeah, we've met a lot of people there and the weather is amazing. You know, the weather is amazing. Awful summer here. Summer has been a dream. Like we played outside all summer. The kids were outside constantly and enough so that we got yelled at by the neighbors. Nice. That's always the goal. Yes, it is. That's when you know you've had to get summer. But Jealous. I would like to live somewhere where my kids can go outside in the summers. That too much to ask. That is an Aaron Zons. We just escape. We Got Idaho in the summer for you guys are smart. Okay, so I'm going to do some some really quick statements where I say something that I think maybe I know about. You are going to make an assumption and then you just correct me quickly. Right, okay. So I'm going to say you grew up in Arizona. True, yes, correct and true. Okay, that one. Right. You went to college in California. False. Oh, okay, I was wrong about that. And then you answer and say word actually was, oh, a SEU. Okay, Arizona. MMMM all right. You have three sisters and three brothers. What sister? Two, three brothers. I got the three brothers. Yes, you got one of for some reason I feel like you had more sisters, because sisters in law. You're talking about sisters. Got A lot of those that are actually sisters in law. Guy. Yes, your first job was as a lifeguard. I can't swim. My first job was at Jeppetto's pizza place. Now it's a dull store. That makes sense when like the creepy pors win dolls. Yeah, my mom ran a summer or not a summer, sorry, Christmas like Kiosk at the mall. That was my first job. Would she be horrified that someone might paint a clown place and one of those dolls? Have you told your listeners about that? We went. We're going to do a Halloweena. So look forward to that, listeners. He about Creepy Doll Sef you dolls your mom. would she be upset by that? Absolutely not. Ironically, no, we you never were like doll people. She never had dolls, but yeah, I don't know. It was something for her to do. It was Christmas money for five kids. Yeah, it's Nice. It would also be a good name for a pizza place and bull better than she took it. Cheese. What's that about Pinocchio Connection Again? Yeah, all right, so well, let's ask a couple questions here. Okay, get into the meat of this interview. What I know that you and Josh both travel a lot for work. Yes, so he just tell us. What's that like like? How often are you traveling and when do you see each other? Okay, so a little bit of backstory, I guess. So I am a hairdresser. I when I moved, I didn't want to stop doing hair. I love my clients, I love my job and I feel like it's one of those skills that if you don't constantly use, you lose, and so I wanted to keep coming back for a lot of money or a lot of reason, a lot of I doubt it's really love. By the time you can hear your flight and mental her. Yeah, it's probably not that much. It's really not that...

...much money that I make. No, in fact, I'm afraid to add it. And then I shopping in here too, because there's no good shopping in a Vanka for that. You end up spending way more than yeah, it probably cost me more. I'm probably in the negative. You got to see me. I got to see Aubrey. I always go to see Aubrey. Will do dinner something. But yeah, and I get to see my sisters with her. Yeah, so it's totally worth it. But so I come back every four weeks and I just work for a couple days and then my husband is in international business, so he when he travels. It's not always short term. It's usually a couple weeks at a time. So we both travel quite a bit and I forgot what you really know. One time you told me that your flight got in and, yes, met you to pick you up, but he had to just like drop the car off for you and then he left on his flight, Yep, and that you were like ships passing in the night exactly. And that's happened multiple times and we're super fortunate that we were able to coordinate it that way. But yeah, that has been the story of our life's quite a bit, where I will arrive and he will depart or vice versa. So it's almost like you're each single parents, but I mean you have each other's more times, but it probably does feel that way sometimes. It really does. So how do you how does it work with your kids? You have how many children? I have three kids, Eleven, eight and four, okay, and one of you is always there at least. Oh yeah, we don't leave them home alone over long weeks or we're better parents than that. Not Always, but if he's home, he is doing all that. Like does you do the cooking and cleaning and everything, or do get home and it's a disaster, a little bit of bowl. It depends on the day. Yeah, yes, but he it. I think it's good for him to have time with just the kids. It's it creates a bonding opportunity for him, and so he's forced to do it all and I think it's good because hopefully that makes him appreciate me a little bit more. Sometimes you know how much there is to do? Yeah, because our job is not easy and it's never done. And a lot of times with the man, they go to work, they come home and they're done. You know, their dad and they've alpers if it's the woman where and the man. Yeah, like, depending which partner's not there, the other one doesn't always appreciate how much is done by the one staying at home. Absolutely, and I should say to that when I'm gone, I'm gone for like three days. When he's gone, he's gone for weeks at a time. Yeah, it's just so yeah, and I've had people say like how do you do it? And really it's I think it's funny because you I think you don't know what you're capable of doing until you have no choice, you know, and he's gone. I don't have a choice. They have to feed the kids, they have to be Bade, they have to go to school, and you don't have a choice and you just you just function right, because you're sailing option. There is no other option, right, and obviously you love your children, you want the best for him, so you just perform. And also, it's could always be worse, right, like friends that are have husbands in the military and they don't see him for months on end. So that for you feel about complaining? Oh Yeah, Oh yeah, I've no right. Worse. Yep, no right to complain at all. Yeah, so how do you figure out like one on one time with kids? Are you able to do that, ever, or just know, we miss that and that's fine. I think that that is really difficult. That's something that my husband I have talked about doing more lately because as they get older, I think it is more important to have that relationship with them and to have them feel like they can talk to you and trust you and open up to you. And so we decided we were going to start taking our kids out on dates, like individual dates. But I'M NOT gonna lie to you. We've talked about we haven't actually done that, but it's but our intention, the plan is there. Our intention is good. But when I'm gone he's got the kids all to himself for, you know, the long weekend, and so they have fun and it's a great experience for him to bond with them and to, don't know, just spend that quality time. Well, really, what's the most important question here is when do you have time to play pickleball if one of he's always out of town? That's true. Well, and where we used to play pickle ball every Friday nighting guys. I missed that a lot. It we have everythings do we've found to play with. I'm so offendory,...

...but I do miss playing with you. I am sad. We went and visited them this summer and we were able to play and it was so fun and it was right at the street. We found a pickeball court right by their yes, and I had no idea is there. are found it because you're talking to strangers like hi, is anybody know wher around? Basically first persons like yes, actually, Yep, right over there. And that, ironically, is one thing our kids have wanted to play because they've seen US play it, and so the fun it doesn't so that's been some of our one on one time, except it us for and all the retirees. Yes, he plays pickleball. Absolutely. Anybody out there who hasn't played it, you are missing out. It's really good times. It's fun to play. If you played, if one of you played tennis and the other one didn't, because you can't really play tennis together because one of you so much better than the other one, but both of you can hang with pickle ball totally. Yeah, it's fine. We're gonna finish this up by playing a game, and the game we're going to play, says Jenna here, listens to a lot of s hiphop, s rap. You know it. Don't look at my screen, Jenna. Okay, because this needs to some face here. No can face this away. All right, I am going to I'll tell you the artist this. First One's ice cube, okay, and I'm going to read some lyrics and you have to finish the sentence, K writing. Some pressure. You got this. I know you've listened to all these songs, Oh, a million times. These are my jams halfway home, and my page you're still blowing up today. I didn't even have to use my I want to say a K. that's right. Okay, that was an easy one's we be a little hard already. This is snoop dog. Okay, two in the morning and the party still jumping because my mama ain't home. Yes, it's nicely done. Okay, this is bust of rhymes. Do you really want a party with me? Let me see just what you're let me see just you're so closing got for. Let me see just what you God that or for me, if you could hear the actual so totally. I had gabled. And we're not sure that we're allowed to play in the songs, so we're not going to. We don't want to get sued by anybody today. Jenna, thanks for coming and chatting with me. It was so funny. I know you really didn't want to and I pay a pressured you and I'm glad that you were willing. Thank you, what a fun interview. Thanks, Jenna. Glad you got to be our first interview E. is that right? Yes, that's the word. And Aubrey, you got to be the first interviewer. How did I do? You did great, rightful job. Really appreciate, Jenna, your time and effort going into that and traveling all the way down from Vancouver Washington just for this interview. The check is in the mail for that reimbursement. Let's wrap this episode with a quick game. I Oh yeah, you know I have a game made and I don't know what this one is. I haven't told you yet. So this game we're going to each open the photos on our phones and you're going to say the fifth photo like go backfire and what. Then, all while you're opening your photos, I'll explain what. I had to send a picture today of something I might wear to the Gwen Stefani Concert in Vegas that I'm going too soon, with a group of girls that are all going to dress like bananas or some form of Banana clothing, and so this is a picture of you want to describe that? Okay, is it men or women? That is men's all right, prising like either way. It is a Romper. Yes, that's it is a summer short and short sleeve, Prompert Heel Romper with bananas, covered in Banana, covered in bananas, which hip up probly. It is a zip up ropper, which I would totally wear, but it only comes in men's sizes, which is the weirdest thing ever. All right, any listeners out there, if you own a clothing brand or design women's Romper with bananas on it? Yeah, then...

I need one. There's demand by at least opery. That's my fifth photo. What's all right? My fifth photo. Actually, this is kind of cool. Number five is a screenshot of the accidental parenting podcast on apple podcasts. Is that I say? Yeah, yeah, I said the screenshot out of I was going to send it to Abrey. We got to prove for OPA, apple podcast, and what to spotify, stitcher, apple, anywhere you get podcast. That's where. That's our goal, podcasts. That's our goal. Is To be everywhere and we are officially on Apple. So that was it was pretty less exciting and took a screenshot and sent it to me. Was So exciting. That's it for our episode on Business Travel and parenting. We'll see you next time.

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