Accidental Parenting
Accidental Parenting

Episode 4 · 2 years ago

S01E3: Kid Chores


The pros and cons of allowances and having kids help out around the house. Also, it turns out that Col is really bad at word association games.


When I was a little kid, my parentsbought a cabin in the mountains in Arizona and when I was nine or ten, mysister and I decided that we were going to rearrange some furniture in thecabin. It was a little bit of a young age to realize that maybe I want it tobe an interior designe, never happened, never hadrange the furniture in ourhouse all the time about one every other month. I like to move something:U often it goes right back to where it was. That's the only way that vew worksenough about that. So we decide to move the furniture around in the cab in andthere's a bed downstairs, tis O creen sized bed and we wanted to move itupstairs you're familiar with where the bed is upstairs and the stairway atthis cabin real, real, real quaint, we'll call it tiny cabin rustick is theword I like Jame to describe it. That's what you put on a VR blisting. Oh, yes,YEA! This is not. This is not your luxury. It's it's a great cl. Can Idon't get me wrong, so the stairway for this cabin is quite narrow, a littlebit smaller than the standard stairway. It wasn't built with. You know big,huge furniture in mind and, as my sister and I tried to get this queensized bed upstairs, it got stuck halfway through and we weren't sure ifyou know the mattress itself as kind of flexible so got that one up. It was thebox spring that got stuck up the stairs and we thought maybe we've made a hugemistane, and it was at about that time that my dad walked by and decided tomake a bet that if we could get the bed upstairs, he would have to do my dishesfor a year. And if we didn't get the bed upstairs, I would have to do hisdishes for a year long storys short the bed's upstairs, and he ended up doingmy dishes for probably about thirteen years. The restof the time that lived in my parents House theer not longer than a yearlittle longer than a year. I E hat Yo only have to do your dishes, or didthey do like the whole familyes dishes when it was your turn so growing up, weeach had turns right. We each had a dish day. I don't remember if itrotated or if mine was always Monday. I just remember always getting out ofdoing dishes, which is funny because I almost always do the dishes it didn'ttonight. You thank you for doing the dishes by the way I really sh, but wetrade off right or if you make dinner, I'm usually the one in the kitchencleaning up, I don't mind doing. This is not it's actually very therapeuticfor me to do dishes by hand and you leave Hem, leave hem out to dry andhanddry 'em and and put 'em away. So I don't mind en we were growing up itwith every other day girls than boys, like 'cause, there were two girls. TwoBoys you've got her e esides myself. Two gy get five kids in your family.Well, yeah! Oh yeah, yeah, two girls too, O a a. Why people ask like howmany brothers sisters? You have two of Eah two brothers, two sisters, but sothere were three girls during the dishes, including mythougt two boys,and we would take turns so because...

...there were three of you. You had iteasier than that is true, yeah and I'm sure they let you hear about it. Idon't remember that, but we definitely did a better job at it. I remember one time I was on a camp out. I think I've established the trend.That is a kid I didn't like doing dishes I was in a scout camp out and the campought there were troops rightand one troop would make the meal and one troop would the other troop wouldcome in and do the dishes and we were ticks because one night after dinner,we had done the dishes. The leaders came in and made dessert and they madethis huge mess. Tand they tried to get USD to do the dishes and we weren'thaving it were like Ey. This is zrwe already cleaned up, and now we've gotto do this extra set of dishes from the dessert that this other trip troopdidn't have to do, and I remember one of my my scatleaders getting so mad atus that we were, you, know, being a little bit defiant there and he yelledout I'm sick of the left and we were like dead silent shocks. We didn't knowwhat to say and then we all went back to our intents and laughe and I thinkwe ended up doing the dishes any we that becomes something you said. I'msick of the lit tha exactly became something we said: Hey or sick, of thelip kind of awesome. We had something kindof similar happen on a Christmas morning once where it was the boys turnto do dishes or something, and my dad asked the girls to do it, and so,instead of just saying yeah we'll do it we'll help. We were like it's the boy'sturn and I'm sure there was more to it than that. But this is how I rememberit. He was like so mad that that's what we said and he took all of our presentsback they're like we're taking all of your Christmas, presents Tan an tookeverything back, yeah that'St Tim. I remember it. They probably really T. Iknow they first sure took back a gameboy that they had given us thatChristmas. I'm really dating myself on that. That sounds like something that Iwould do y. Oh, we sure we've done that before you've. No, not after she'sopened it on Christmas, but we bought our oldest and ipob touch and sh. Shedid something and we ended up taking it back and we told her that we got her onWer like sorry, you just lost it. You would have had this, and- and now youlost it, so this episode is all about cores the chores that we had to dogrowing up, whether or not you give chores or assignchores to your kids,we're going to talk about the pros, the cons and everything in between. So whatwere the chores beyond doing dishes that you had growing up? Well, I had todo chicken chors, which meant I fed the chickens. I've mentioned previouslythat Aubry and I had a very different dbrining when I say that hers was a bitmore of a free range child reranged chickens, literally chicken jor. I wasmore free ranged than the chickens they were in a coup. I was very frigrange,weve fed the chickens, we hauled wood, it got wood from the woods woodcellerand brought it in for because we had woodburning stones. You were thinkingof that iegrew up in a little house on...

...a prairie you're, not wrong. It wasyour, not wonderful. It was the best childhood, but sometimes I would forgetto feed the chickens, and there was a consequence for that that if you forgotto feed the chickens and my dad went out and they wet hadn't been fed, thenyou did not get to eat dinner that night, and so I remember a couple oftimes that happening, and I was so hungry that I would sneak out to thegarden and I was like hiding the garden eating raw string beans in the garden.That's rous! That's really funny. What about Ou Wat tourist? Did you honestly?I remember the dishes story, but I never had to do 'em. As I got a little bit older, I wouldmow the lawns, but I don't. I don't really everremember my parents asking me to mow the lawns, I'm just a little bit o c dand I, like it nee in one higdy long that I would just know the lawns. Idon't. I don't remember seeing like time to mow the lawn sin. It was just aTA. You had no choice, you got out of dishes and you mowed the lawn becauseyou wanted to you know, there's some perks to being the youngest. I guessI'm sure my siblings had more chores, but we all got an allowance. Did youget an allowance? You Hat an allowance, even though you had no choice, it wasalways significantly less than my siblings. I think they started out atten dollars a week and I got five dollars a week. I fed chickens andhauled wood and did so many chores. I can't remember all of them, but theywere lot and I never got a dime plus we worked in the tree field. We plantedtrees and weeded the trees out. That's another shore that not have n anallowance anytime. Someone brings up working in the tree field. I mean this.Is these there's some great stories that orest family has about working inthe tree? We do actually my brother w. He would just so funny. He was your brother was theone who got out of doing dishes. I said yes, he got out of the work in the treefield. Yes, I remember him just like standing and pretending to dig holesand het get so mad. That's how I remember it anyway. Youwould probably remember it differently. Tit's awesome, so some of the choiresthat we ask our kids to do today and when I say we ask our kids to do today,I mean ask and ask and ask how many times a day. Do you think you have toask our middle daughter to finish sweeping the floor like a million andshe still doesn't do it? She well she's. She'll start she just waits she'll, Ikind o start, and then she just goes. She knows eventually I'll, just ru outjust start sweeping up a little that get distracted by a TV show or just heget back to it, go finish that she'll walk back over do little sweeping setthe broom down again. It literally takes her about three and a half hoursto complete, let's Chet for a few minutes about some other chores that are, you know,kidworthy chores and how you get your kids to do 'em. I I remember that wehad you remember that Little Melissa, Ind Dugmad Magnetic Chore Ashhart. Ihated that thing because we had intentions of setting it up for ourkids, but they just ended up playing with the MAGNU Telton. I found one ofthose little magnets in the wash a...

...couple of a I still clean it up all thetime I' ended up way more times than we've actually bythe way. I threw itaway. Oh okay, so, okay, O that I didn't know it never werk never head.So there are definitely some chores that we should be able to assign to ourkids and we play sweepings. Yes, like sweeping like doing the dishes Surea,it's not even doing the dishes, it's just hey empty. The dishwasher Y H,thit seems simple enough and that's you know our daughter, our olst daughter's agethat seems to work sesure yeah. They do that pretty well, but like, for example,cleaning a bathroom forget it. If we ask them to clean a bathroom, it's justthat they just don't do a very good job, hey end up having to do it any. Is ittoo much to ask that my kids just don't touch anything in the bathroom Yatoomuch I even if I've cleaned in the bathroom, I just don't want him totouch anything 'cause, it's going to ruin it's going to make it dirty it's,and even just one part of it like replacing the toilet paper roll. Youcan't. I thought that was my chore. I thought I was designed to do that.Every single baovrment are always happen because I'm the only one thatchanges the Toyn. That way, I feel ory about myself as well, but if we askthem to do it like first of all, they're going to take off the oldtoilet paper role and then they're going to go play with it and that's itWhit, you Alrha, they just reach also as Youre so penalpated that ourmiddledaughter did that a few weeks ago- and I said, hey where'd, you get thisfrom shes like oh it's from the bathroom and of course she hadn'treplaced not a toylight paperoll and she was playing with this grody nastytoilet paper. I said no, a I'm throwing it away and she was really upset and bythe way, I'm a bit of a neat freak. I don't know if I brought that up earlierin this episode or not, but I said: Look if you have a paper, towe role, Ilet you play with that. You can use it. However, you want, but at the germs thebathroom term, H yeah. It always gross me out when teachers always asked forcraft supplies and like Hey, send in your paper. Towel rolls and people saidtoilet paper rolls. That's there's dirty hands too close to that yeah.First sure and well. You know one time I found one all torn up to bits in oneof the kids rooms and it was like what happened here and they said they wereplaying puppies and pretending. It was a Dogbone, worse case scenario. That alsocorresponds with that one time that all of or kids woke up in the middle of thenight, vomiting probably yepprobably, but so then let's say that they doreplace the role which is rare, m they're, going to put it on upside down. That's the thing right. I am veryparticular that you've Goin to have toilet paper facing out Ori did notlaing the wall. I didn't realize that was a thing until I met you 'cause. Ijust didn't really pay attention, but now I realized there wis a right way ina wrong way, but I've seen some other like nems and things somewhere tha. Youjust ro your eyes when you said rightaway in her wrong way, it'd be alittle bit. I am curious, if that's a thing forother people too, I thinkbut so they're, going to put it on upside down andthey're, going to leave the package of... the paper on the Counter d they'regoing to leave the cupboard open that has the childlock. So then a toddlergets into the cleaning supplies all of this hlike. No S can I have to cleanthe bathroom, so new Rurle in our house, kids aren't Elovdin bathrooms at allLlgo in the backyard. No, that's even worse. What are some examples of some choresthat we should be able to ask kids to do. I was just thinking about one today,as I emptied their lunchboxes. This is something I should be asking them to dolike every time I take their live boxes out, O their backpack, and I take thecontainer out and put it in the dish rusher and then, like all of that, Ishould be able to ask them. I have asked them to do it yeah they justdon't. So I have to ask them every day. In fact, the first week of school theywould put. We got those hooks for their LACFEX, they did it for about a weekand now have to ask him every day. They do, however, remember to put their icepacks in the freezer when they mpty their lunches out. That's me: I do thatevery Yo, if I guess o Tel at I used to tell them if they don't put their iceback in the freezer, they don't get a nice pack the next day they just haveto go with warm masteco. I guess that's what I sho D. I need some kind ofconsequence. If they don't do t, it's all about consequences, yep or takingaway and allow it yes, so we don't have one to take away.Well, let's talk about that for a minute. Today is hashtagged man girls'Day October therd. He asked me what day it was on October. It the happy meangirls to everyone on October. First, a d two days ago there was a report thatcame out, and this was a group- The American Institute of Certified PublicAccountants, the really inconference that they threw ever year t they knowwhat they're talking about them. Ye H and they're saying that kids in America,the average allowance per week, what do you think ten dollars? No thirty dollars per weekon Aragol Ye, whose rich parents accountwhat what's the wrong familythat I didn't get born I to thirty dollars, IK, that's a hundred andtwenty dollars a month forget it in for one git times four times. However manyyou have that's that's really crazy, and they also say that to earn thatkids typically do about five hours of work a week. So five hours of work theyget paid roughly six bucks an hour for thirty dollars a week. Asicat you breakit down like that six dollars, an houris really not very much sure, butit's not a job right like this is tff we're just asking them to help out alittle bit here and there around the house that six dollars an hour actuallyhas gone up from about four forty five for fifty an hour in two thousand andsixteen so kits have gotten a significant raise in the Lasar years.It's pretty impressive. They also say that if you start an allowance at age-eight, it's too late too late for what it its too late, th y.They you need to start paying them an allowance earlier, so they canappreciate the value of money. There's an o group that says that you shouldpay starting it about the age of five.

You should pay five dollars per week,so a dollar for every year than the child is per week. So five dollars aweek, six dollars a week, seven dollars week, ten dollars a week when they'retwelve and not a math person, ten dollars a week when they're elevenis what I metto say. Ten dollars ued an ten eleven well okay and the point isto teach them how the responsibility regarding money yeah. It's teachingthem the value of money, takieaemaor him to do their chorge, yeah Taing,that into chores. It's teaching them responsibility the value of money andgives them some spending money. I I think one of our daughters isconvinced that she can save enough money, buy a new bihophone and she wants Iveonten and a cell phone plan and we'll get to technology and iphones on anotherUPPAT. She was like it's only ten dollars a month. ' Likeyeah, then youreak it next week, 'cause yea she's too fone. If she's making making kitminimum wage, then she's still got twenty extra by Someonshe was just bornas the wrong family. I got was DSO. She should have a thirty dollar aweek allowance, but they say there are some tips withpaying kids allowance right. So that mentioned that a dollar for every year. They also say that you need to makesure that it's equal boys and girls, obviously glass ceiling right, you goto make sure boys and girls are paid equal, which I'm I'm reflecting back toyour childhood, where you guys had it weight easier than theboys in those dishes. They only had two. You guys had three, it just doesn'tseem right to doesn't seem true, it's true. They had it so much harder thanwe did. We've tried a few chores APS mixed results. We, the first one Itried, was Chorma, which an one called smors, which was pretty good yeah. Thatseemed to go really well for a while yeah, the kids. You have all thesetores on there that they can choose and they're rewarded points for them, andthen they there's all these rewards on there that they can trade them out forgoing out to ice cream with us or SME, getting a new toy or something or trade it for cash and it it seemed likethat. One works really well, except with the twins 'cause. It got tothe point where the twins, where they just ask every time, we'd ask them todo something and say: Hey, go put your shoes on there like Cooh. Can I getsome points for it and yeah they would ask for, for they start rebandingpoints for every little thing that they should just be doing anyway, and I hadstarted giving them points if they would say: okay, when it was somethingthey didn't want to do, if I'm like just say, O Kamom instead of waning andcomplaining. So they would intentionally ask me something thatthey knew I would say no to so that they could say. Okay, so it's like andthen he mom can. I have ice cream for dinner. No, Oh cool! Can I get somepoint? Yes, Okma Ocemo, I said O Caom. Can I get some Pos eserve points rightexactly and then we won on vacation and we got out of the habit of doing it atall the vacation, but I'm sure we're...

...the only family. That's ever downloadeda tours, AP and tied it out, and it didn't work that bat that never happens.Let's get back to some other reasons why we have our kids do choice. Why dowe ask our Hois to do yours to help them, learn Responsibili, no, to makemy life easier so that I don't have to put the dishes away every single timeso that I don't always have to folby the way. I also hate volding laundry.Well, the word I don't mind doing it, but then I'e see it thrown on theirfloor or wated in their drawer. I'm like. Why did I fold that money? Well,the worse yeah, it's it's! Kids Com, put your clothes away, they're like Ohyeah, cool, we'll, put 'em away, walk upstairs and just dumb 'em wherever yes,so we might as well just not fold their laundry rigt right t that works. It's true, thoughthat's I! I would need them to do more tour so that I don't have to do themall, but ideally US giving kids these chores these assignments to do. Itbuilds character, bills, responsibility. It shows that they're participating inthe household chores and activities and Responsibilitya d. These is things thatwe need to get done. They need chicken cours as what they need that topic, thevalue of work. You know taught me how to be OK being hungry, I'm going topetition our H OA. What did you say, the value of being hungry? How to handle be an? I did stink intothe guard bout you know, but there is some value to being hungry shiring.Then you appreciate when you do and are able to eat dinner. You don't complainso much about everything. IMONA. There are some parents that refuse to givetheir kids choice. They say: Hey I've got enough battles to choose. I've gotto get hem ready for school, I've going to make sure they've got lunches. I'vegot to do the laundry and the dishes. I don't want to have to start a fightwith my kids trying to get that because it is often more work to do it. Redo itafter they're done and these parents say hey. I can teach my kidsresponsibilities in other ways doing schoolwork doing homework after schoolcurricular activities. Sports these things teach kids responsibilitywithout having to assign them. They call it busy work right, mundane tasks.My question is oe. She Still Givean allowance or she any of these parentsthat don't do chorce a e. They still Givan allowance or he oroky. Yes doeshe or she give them a Loyeah? That's a good question. I don't know Yeah 'causeYOUV got an allowance. You Didn' Do Anything. I wouldn't necessarily phrase it likethat to all of my siblings. That's probably what they thought tooMM HM yeah. I don't know we don't we probably need to give our kids anallowance. We've got some. We've got some changes. We should probably makecare of to wrap this OUP. We want to hear from our Social Community Hashtagkidchores. What are kichores that you ask your kids to do. Do they do 'em? Dothey not do 'em? You have any funny stories to tell TAT's her yeah. Let'splay a quick game to finish up we're going to play a Word Association game,I'm going to say a word and you tell me the first word that comes shou be mede,nervous, messy, kits, clean kids... That was lame. That's OE! Takeanother word, I'M NOT! You can't use the same werd to a new rule. WordAssociation. You say a word: How do I sa Ey associate AK o clean ever I'm alittle bit slow on the up? Take I ASUST G new WERAWOR. I was thinking about howmessy the kids were. Ogain I' La alone, go okay, Nowi an to give is liqorice,no matter what you say. JUST GIV! U Say: LICORICO EAT it. In e pickle, Frish,alemonade tomatoes, I'm going no around Aword that you really think at firstORT. Do you think of when I say I'm W, there's so much that I want to say efilter that for have you never played a word assessiation, gon Ta Feell? TOTHAT FIRST WORD: 'CAUSE! It's kids! You want to say kids, it's Liqorish, okay, MA WE'RE NITY LACKWICKAR! Youready, ready responsibility, dime dimedim, ut yea. You earn a dime forworking respons, O rigt last one ready, Rech, I'm really bad at this. How a letswitch? No! No last one, I a he say, last Ome trapezoid Y GSYOU got nothing.I HEAR NOTHING IIAD! I was teaching English an kids in China early in themorning and it had trapaod came up and I had to explain to the kid whattrappls I was and I realized I had no idea I had to google it. I Don S, its really ike. It's a shapeand I was stalling. While I that I hav exact misswhy is your keyboard? DAParglancing ofter, the Sini'why? Are you giving someone the side eye? Oh No!That's just me. Looking up what a trap azoit is th. There have been a fewthings like that, where I've had to google it amphibian was one where therewere a few otogatic questions and it was like do amphibians, lay eggs orsomething like that and I'm like H, Giron get O hed. Now I should know youdon't if this eight year old in China knows in English, I should know inEnglish. It's justlet's, let's switch. Let's with the rolls on aplayers haveto make him where I sai es hardreally. That's why I wasn't good at it becauseyou prapped and I hadn't- I did not tell you Al Righ. This is a offle cug.Okay, Word Association, an you ready, yef motorcycle biker, all right I'll,give you that that's acceptable! You pass that one all right, let's go withanother one and it's going to be pantaloons bloomers Kay, that'sacceptable! Last Round for Abry Word Association: It's going to be two words:okay, frozen grapes, delicious erand. With that, let's wrap it Hashtagkidchores thanks Bo Listanincon.

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