Accidental Parenting
Accidental Parenting

Episode 3 · 2 years ago

S01E2: For Crying Out Loud


Can you tell if your child's cry is real? In this episode, we chat about keeping doctors in business and how healthy Col is.


So after listening to our previousepisode on helicopter parenting, I kept hearing the lawn mower in thebackground. Did you hear that you Kno Didti did so it made me realize? Maybewe should do this when it's a little more quiet outside, maybewhen our kids are sleeping. So the plan is to record this episode after we putour kids to bed and as we were putting our kids to bed, I happened to hear oneof them sneezed. Did you hear that and I instantly knew which one of ourkids it was that neazed, Oh yeah, I C I can recognize all theres sneed, totallyREC. In fact, you put me in a room full of twenty people and have each one ofthem sneeze, and I can pinpoint exactly which one is my dad. It's yeah I donthe is very distinctiveas well. Very loud. Is Your Dad's really Moud it's loud it's loud. It's got kind of a kindof a yell to it. Yeah now, sometimes when I sneeze and SCIR Ers it you do that as Fol, sometimes ilI'm really loud in it. I can't of yell when I sneeze and thyou get an from your death and one of our kids is like. Oh, you scared meOrmeyah. That's that's like my dad's Naze, so similar to sneezing, cryingparents can recognize their kids cry an you recognize all of our kids, CRI yeahfor sure everlike four day and they were like brand new babies for sure.Tell the twins apart, William and Georgia for Sare totally. Georgia was ascreamer and both of the babies like there could be four babies crying in aroom and now which one was nine. So do you think that's a universal trend tocross all parents? Probably Yeah I mean I. If you ask mostpeople, they say: Oh Yeah, I can recognize my kids cry. So here's aquestion: Do you think fathers can recognize their children crying as wellas mothers? Can that's a good question, I'm going tosay? Yes, that's a good answer and Ihave got someresearch that I can share with you. This is a a study done in two thousandand thirteen. I thought it was pretty interesting. They picked out a group offathers and mothers from France and the Democratic Republic of Congo, so twentyseven fathers, twenty nine mothers they recorded- sounds of all the kids cryingand ninety percent of the time. On average, the fathers and mothers eachcould identify which child was theirs crying. I otout of fifty plus kids,almost sixty kids. Ninety percent of the time the fathers and mothers got itright all right, but about the ten percent that Di there's there's thevery there's ten percent that didn't and they found that the ten percentthat was not able to recogmize their children's crimts because they spentless than four hours per day with that Jhild with the fathers and the mothersthat makes sense, yeah pretty interesting, so impromp Yo a questionof the day. When was the last time Ho cried... during a movie preview? Did younotice? I was crying when we went to peanut butter Falcon, which was amazingby the way everyone to go, see it great movie, and there was a preview for thenew movie about Harriet, Tubman Harriet and I started crying during the preview. Ididn't know. Well, I didn't- I didn'thear you, but I looked over an I was making an ugly Craga moter want to callit Degrupa I blaer wee. You were trying to hide the fact you were crying andwhen you're, so the crying itself isn't the uglator, the fazing of it, thehiding of the crying Cun. I as Gess, I'm okay with that, but you know some peoplelcry at movies.I Min the last time you cried Watas Oi say I may have cried at amovie in the past, maybe Al while ago yeah, maybe weere, like my girl, when Iwas a kid right, scome on little mholicolkin back when he lives, Osimeanhe's still aweome, but back when he was like a little kid actor. I cry regularly in movies, so I'mafraid to admit the last time. I cried I' really want to hear it now. Um, I'm taring, I'm just thinking. No, it'sgoing to make me sound, really cheesy, I no! I okay, you can sound Cheeseyo.This is a safe space. So the last time I cried Um. I recently went through ajob transition, an drog change. This is surprising me thereis somethingabout RC you're. Looking at me like W, you just went through a Nob Chane, I'mlooking at you like something about that Mad Yo r life idate aubry I wentthrough a job change o you ehiy ose. I'm glad that we could do this podcastsand. We can talk every now and the go no and when you're at a job that you love andyou meet people that you know in love and to become your friends and yourfamily, sometimes it's hard to say goodbye to them. So I had to saygoodbye to a good buddy of mine and it was really hurt today, Teve, I may havecried a little bit. It's destined me o SAS me. You still get a SE. I, Sir,do you testine Lese tots up at the all right, so you can recognize yourkids cry. But here is my question: When you hear your child cry, can you tellif it's a real cry or a fake? A hundred percent o? Well sometimes sometimes oneof the young ones will cry and it's in Ntentionally fate cry, but then it gets. The line gets reallyblurred because then she'll do an intentionally acurse. She knows she'sintentionally fit crying and she'll, get it to sound more real, and I startto panic, sometimes yeah. So I like to think that idonit yea, sometimes Jj,fix me out and when, when one of Hem starts to cry, what's your firstreaction, mine is always like you're fine get up. You're fine, see that surpriseswher. Are you grying you're FIM, Yeh...

Yeah? That surprises me. I would thinkthat you know typically that's my first reaction, usually the you're thenurture. Well, I think it's because I can tell if it's a real cry or not. Ifit's a real cry, I'm taking it serious and I'm are you OK nurturing, but ifit's a fake cry or if, like they've, maybe just kind of tripped and fall inand you know and I'm like you'R- I ing toget up jump up and then they won't take it seriously and start crying what? Ifwhat? If it's an exhaustis cry mm Ye last night we had a a little incidentwhere well. Yeah kids are finishing up dinner and I don't even know where thatpackage of Aurios came from, but we ha. I bought it. Yes, I thought, whenyou're out of town, sometimes I wish that we had video on so that everyonecould see. Y. U give me the side Yeah. That was me: Oh yeah, the oreos.Well, and I mean where else is it going to come from? If you didn't buy itI'you never know, maybe some good friends of ours tesound to Dra, I oroson a Sunday evening, it's very possible more lately. I bought it and ate mostof it. So each of the kids got to have three oreos after dinner and will camein really really upset and crying, and I thought it was just an exhausted cry.It turns out that his older sister gave him one Oreo and then he ate it, andthen she gave him the other two orees and he was real mad that he did get allthree Oreos it wonce and he took us a wile to figure out why he was crying'cause. He was so hysterical that we couldn't understand what he was sayingthat he was upset about yeah. He wanted. He wanted three more Oreo, because heshould get three OAS Sheanat the same time when he got one and two which inhis mind, was not equal to thre. It was not and he was Tang tups. He was veryupset and it was pretty clear that he just needed to cry about something hejust needed to release. That was little little pent up yes and part of thatmight have been he. He spent the day away from you right,like we went out on Habbin ye, didn't see you for a day or two and someattention need, as Mo as I e cried. I would give him a Tenso ormy, 'causeyeah, if it's like, if I can tell they're upset, then I do I'm like comegive e come come. Give me a love get over here and give me a snuggle. It turns out that you know sometimesthat pent up letting out that croning isgood for kids. They need that yeah have you ever said like get up, you're fineand it turns out there re actually really hurt ably happene. Can I count how manytimes my kids have had broken bones? H, es an accident prone, our kids yea,like the first time Addie got on one of those heverboards. She fell and brokeher arm yeah. I was the last time she was onthe only time. The only time she e t on one of the EER Boverboards trampolinesmonkey bars all the things that keep...

...keep pediatricians in business or kidsof broken bones on them. There was the time that attie broke her arm. Um wentto bed at night. She slept on it, we didn't know it was broken a as she was going to sleep. We had ababysitter who was who was with her at the time, I'm not going to call out annay names. Sarah, I tera, so we had a babysitter and Adti fell when she was going to bed.She fell off of her bed and he was not even jumped. I feel likeyeah, she a Begam, but it was like from a low bed. You would never expect herto get hurt and she had a long sleep so ad. He goes to bed and the babysitterhears some crying and some whimpering and all she hears his addything, I'mokay, I'm okay, I'm okay and then Addie woke up the next in themorning saying that her arms still hurt. So he pulled up her sleeve and allright time. Togo e ctor as the Blabro like Bah. I was it w s, definitely abreak. So I think that's the time. Th T, Ohyeah, she's, fine, as I eer went to thiaty Sitterncar for the abysitting.Oh yes, she she fell an she jumped off the bed. She got her. It's weirdTocoler t paryand she's a good friend of her yeah, but she was crying and she said she was okay. She went tosleep and I remember thinking Oh yeah she's, fine yeah. She Sai she wouldn'tgo to s. She wouldn't go to sleep and be like Ambin who would go to sleep ona broken lim. Patti yeah and I remember you took herto the Er and they had to give her morphine or something I don't know theygave her some medication yeah. I don't know what it what it was 'cause theyhad to. They had to set her bone. Yes, and I was really worried about that.'cause you know she's already in pain is het going to hurt more so they gaveher some sort of drug in an I v, I believe to set the bone, and I justremember her: They they gave her the drug and they started to move her arm a littlebit and she was freaking out. She was like Daddy Dedi Adit di an the method, and I was I was likebawling yeah. That's that's another time that I was Emembe saying. I wasgecause, there was absolutely nothing that I could do to help her and shedidn't feel a thing right. It was just her freaking out and the drugs kickingin and it was pretty intetra yeah. I'm kind o gladthat I was able to pass on that one that you took the whystr do all of ourgood broken bone stories involved me. We did get rid of the trampolinenoticing a trend here. Yeah Elby had a good one on the trampoline, and thatwas totally your fault. She still tells people dad broke. MyLad broke my leg on the TRAPPO. He was jumping and kind of stole her Bounte,like she's driving to the balancing an to Bounceher, and then she floted out.She ended up hitting the trampoline Wa...

...just hard and it Kindo took her bantsand it just snapped her leg, and when we were kids, we used to call thatgetting jarred cause Ed. I mean my sister broke her leg, but she like gotbounced off. tramling hit the ground. This was just yeah, you got jar. Do youhit the cane down hard on the trampoline tat and Tipfeb Timfib, justlike that lanks going down the rest of the legs going out, knowdown and out, Iwas in the house and you came in and you were carrying like a baby wat. Shewas big Shewai SA and Waad, I'm like what akenothing everything's Foni herack.Nothing can see here, move along I'll, be back later and she's going to have acast and a Walkeron porthing Yoever, the water acker 'cause. We just she'd,do well in crutches, so she had a little tany little walker, tennis ballson the Ye Likelitrama we've loaned out to people for different costumeany. Ifanyone's GOIN TA kid out there that wants to be a little grandma or GRANDPAfor Halloween. We've got a long, miny Walker for Yau. Just he's rowing thatout there right now. Here's another question: Have you evertaken a kid to the doctor and then as soon as you're, there you realize W. Ishouldn't have brought her. We don't need to be here like a week ago when Itook Georgia to urgent care for that. Little cut on her Chai H, I still thinkI mean it going to be like glue yeah. We probably could ave glued thatourselve and it's still going to be a scar. Do you remember when penelope shehit her head pretty hard doing like a somersault, andse kind of landed on herhead yeah? This is the reason that this is the reason that none of her kids areallowed to do som rat spots, ses and she her, but she was fine and so wentto bed and then at like two am, I think you erout of town. Actually, she wokeup just crying and in crazy extreme pains. I took her to the ER and Um. Iended up haping. I think my mom came to stay with the kids 'cause. You weregone and when they got US checked in and we werethere forever, it feels like and the doctor when he saw her. He had her jump,he's like jump up here and try to touch my hand and she jumped and Hewas likeshe sine go thanks. You there's not no concussion in that middle of the night,Nuber Miller. Tonight, emergent room, tr therefor ever got my mom to comeover to stay with the kids and he's like this is a good test for you to doin the future. If you can get him to jump, they're, fine, I'm like GSO,that's the case. What's the test when a kid has swimmer's, ear, verses and earinfection, because I feel like two days, that's feel like we've had that before, whereOh, my ear aches, Oh, we did just go swimming, you might have water in yourear. We I've taken them to the doctor and they're like Oh yeah, Theye, justgo swimers e they're fin. Give it two days in I fir and then they'll say: Ohhere's we'll prescribe this antibiotic Ticke it up just in case, but she mightnot need it. Then, two days later so...

...sayand we never started around it.Luckily, so then that turns into the time when I took the girls toDisneyland. Do you remember this? You were at home with the twins, maybeIp a so. I take the girls to Disneyland and peneloty wakes up in the middle ofthe night. The night before with an ear infection and H, it was an interestingday. Ot Disneyland went anyway, wehave corn, ear infection. It's the happiestplace on Earth. Whywerhe di, not beas, like misserwas, really good about it,and I just I lik a lit little strawon. He whole day rang. I feel at Sh. Thatwas the last half of the day. I just e o Bad, because in all of the pictureswith Midni Mouse, she's got all little white cotton ball o stick in her ear,but se a drink. They still wanted to go. You should ge over the choice and ofCour Iis Disneyland. I mean I don't an to give et the chilce ie we're going. Idrov all this way, Dang we're cobling yeah. She was a good sport and then itwas a couple of weeks later that wasn't it that there was the fireworks forthof July fireworks and she was so miserable ecause. She had that. I don'tknow if it came back. I can't remember feel, like she's had a fewer infectionsyo so that you, when you were a kid, was there ever a time when your parentsmaybe should have taken yo to the doctor, but didn't I have one of those. I was a pretty healthy kid, not just Chubby otehandhealthy. I sort of think I'm very health, if that's the caseright now, I'm extremely healthy you're, not that healthy. So No, I didn't have really anythingcrazy. When I was a kid think I went to the doctor once 'cause I was leaningback in a chair and my head got you always say: Oh yeah, my head'ssplit open but lik. I don't know that my had actualyon Sel it open rightolike. My brain was showing. I wish I always thought cu e Marri, like Oh yeah, your head wasyour head. You split your head ove and I s say Holy Ca. You could see my brain.No, it's just I've got a little scar on the back of my head that they sished o.that's that's about. All. I've got mine yeah'cause. Neither of US had brokenbones as kids rahhow did. We not ever have broken bones, but our kids, theysay it's like on it's like twins, it skips of Genifationso. All of our kidswill have broken bones AP. Maybe our parents were better at helicoptrer thanwe were. You know, Avetothii will say that I hada flashback because I just said that's the reason why our kids are not allowedto do. SOMESAULTS helicofter parent party of one, so mine was, I split, my knee open likea pretty big Gash, and I we just never went to the hospital, and there waslike a nurse down the road that my mom took me to and she did like butterflytape on it. I have a huge scarf, butterfly tape. Didn't cut was notquite as effective as it maybe could...

...have been it'. What unearth? Fine Yeah!It's just hardcore! It's just you'R! Just your knee! It's not like that'sgoing to ruin your model Incurnin, exactly going to be a Nemodelacoosocrying in kids, isn't always a bad thing right. There can be benefitsto crying and they sence it's therapeutic infactfor all people to cry. I know I need it like when I c cry in that preview. It's'cause I've got a re. I've got some emotion, pennet up. That needs t relief,that that reminds me about another story. When you were first pregnantwith our oldest child, I came home from work one day and abrias sitting on thecouch watching a million dollar baby, and you know how I mentioned earlier thatshe does an ugly cry. Well, I thought you said it was cute, so she's full on crying and I was a real big jerk and I saidsomething like spoiler alert. Oh, is she dead? Yet that is what you said. She did yeahyeah AER got pretty upset so madoh. Can yoube so incensive exatljust like that? ITWASI was sobbing.To my credit, I think a lot of people cried during that movie and whenthey're pregnant crying is crying in Aalia, crying, isn't necessarily abouthi loud crying. I think that's something that we can train our kids onto how to you know, maintain a certain volume when they're crying, becauseit's an emotional release is not as they're not yelling and screaming andviolent everything like Tantran. It's like yeah, it's OA, Tur yeah, like you,don't have to throw a Tantrm when you cry for sor like sometimes even ourolder, our older children will cry, and you can tell when it's intentional loud,crying just to cause a scame, yes, which is not such a good idea, two morethings that I want to discuss, one if you've got a crazy reason why yourchild has cried or is crying, go ahead and throw a hash tag. Why, Mike, it iscrying, be sure to tag accidental parenting or Hashtagants accidenfalparenting, an find Te. Some social media twith her face book. My space is that a thing still Ri,don't think it's a thing either way. I H N, we have a friend who's done, someof those why my kid is crying yeah, they're, pretty br so good. Maybe wecould share there just sa some where yes need to see. Someer of thosethey're always like the most like, I didn't, get three Oreos all at the sametime and such yes yeah, let's play a game to finish up here. Let's play thegame of lists. You remind me a little bit of Jeksa, I like to play a game. It',Likeno, whispering. Remember I'd like to play a game. SORY play a game. Whatwhat is the game? We're playing so yeah this game, the game of lists? We choosea topic and we each write three things and we're trying not to repeat theother person's list anything on the list.

Ideally, this works with three players,because if you have a third canceling out sure thisill work Tootho justcurious. If we can isurate different things and what's the topic, the topicis foods. My kid refuses to eat all right, Igot, my thre Ryo, readyhold on that might be. That might be too easy to not match. Let's, let'sswitch it. Let's try to match. Okay, give me a second, then Igh, you, you go first, O a IG, so I'vegot carrots. No, no! That's in banana bread. They will not eat. bananabread, ifthere's no, no just fine 'cause, that dont want nothing. I want to doseseparate one one with nuts and one wol ask of course, and thisoly appliesto some of my kids t pickles yeahcause, some of our kids love Ligolia. Wedidn't match at all. I put Zucchini forget that is true. Were of that,throw it all formomonithey de they don't throw it bat. They do not want iton et, but that's true. They just both Georgean. They don't want something,they take it off their plate and they put it on the table and I cannot makethem leave it on their plake down sauce ane ie, not even so gitty sauce wellwill for. If you put sauce on a noodle right onto the table, pick it up, putit on the table and n. He starts mentioning that he should have gottenthree Orioes, not just one end to Um this one might sopprazy. I don't knowif you're aware of this, they will not eat cuties, like clementine oranges.Really I put one in the lunch. It's still there Wen ot put their lunch inthe dishwater. Every single Tine all right, it's greaty good, to know, maybeit's because I'm so then, the next day I just put the same one in their lunch.They know theysomhow, they O ndthey're, not a fresh one. It looks familiar,it's like recognizing a parent sneeze. They recognize when you put the samekeconhand CTI, not having it all right. Thanks for listening, everyone to thenext time.

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