Accidental Parenting
Accidental Parenting

Episode 2 · 2 years ago

S01E1: Helicopting


Col and Aubrey discuss what it means to be a helicopter parent, Aubrey's spelling bee championships, and losing children in public.


So I've devoured a lot of true crimepudcast, like maybe all of them, but I've never listened to a peadcast onparenting. O that make me tha parent. Am I supposed to answer? I mean? No, Idon't answer. The answer is no I'm a good paent, so well. I've learned a lotof murder strategies, parenting less so like I could probably kill you and hideyour body and get away with it. But if my kid's crying were wait, I o Wer tosat how would you dispose of my body abandoned Manchaft, a hundred percentyeah? That was that one, the couple in Coldr creeper, but that's the thing youthrow a body down a mind, chatey', never going to find you can say I threwthe body in a mineshaft and they still won't ever find it well t n. There aremillions of mine shafts. That's like a hundred percent right, they're, notwhatare, you going to send it drone down there, no, no one oste to losetheir drone. I got this drone for Christmas. This is kind of dangerous.If you turn up missing, I'm going to look really suspicious truth, but I haven't read any books onparenting. I've read a few articles here and there Aven't listened to anypod gass. There are a lot of article articles about not being a helicopterparent. I feel like I've got that down, I'm nota helicopter parent. If anything, I now, after four kids sure in the beginning,maybe more so I was what d? How would you define a helicopter parent? What isthat, if your a helicopter parent, so for me, a helicopter parent, is onethat helicots their child coers we're talking Hinalakndno, let'sdefine terminologies here. Helicopter parents is that's like domnal trumpstatus, where you've got little baron and he's flying all over the Oh nowayere. We talking about something else. What's the topic of this pod cast ago,not real helicopter like t's, like someone who hovers a psure who hoverslike your kids, doing your homework and you're watching right over theirshoulder. That's creeper, Saly! THAT'S HELICOPTER PANTING! That's the samepodcast! We were talking about earlier that KII Gonto enetter in mine, shaftthey're dead, those kids a so sad e g, ut Ero, so helicopter parenting. For me,it's Yeh, someone who doesn't let a kid, be a kitten in today's world, we're so concerned about what our kidsare doing, where they are theyr ethey're dependent on cell phones,we're dependent on tracking them on their cellphones. That technology hasenables enabled us to be helicopter Parents Yeah S. I've had a couple ofexperiences on both ends of the spectrum. I've for sure been at thepark and some other parent is spotting. My Kid on the monkey bars lookingaround like. Where is this child's parent and I'm sitting talking, I'mlike they're fine, worse case Stanario they're going to fall and break a leg. I've had that too, but it's been adifferent scenario. Right. I've been at same said Park and someone's my kids on the monkey barsand some of their parents is is walking around like looking for this kid's momAi'm like hey, I'm the creeper with the with themustache and beard. That's my kid! L He's fine! Don't don't yeah and en theother end of the spectrum I was at the park with a friend. It's always at thepark right and this kid was hitting everyone with a stick. He had a bigstick and he's hitting all the kids, and so I'm finding myself do kind oflooking around like where's this kid's parents and then a mom is on her phoneand she came over and said if he keeps doing that feel free totake the stick away from him. Look UPSOEIF, my kids ha disciplined him forme. How about you take the sickaway fromhim? How about that? Maybe it was a manny. Was it among it was I I do notthink Thi did she have any plan with her? She was on the phone though shewas on her phone kind of business. Professional attire didn't didn't, feelnanny to me, didn't feeling, Nay, but...

...that's I mean how does someone feellike? Have you no seen that new ebsite business mannies they can only rather have been abusiness national tiger. She she very well may have been a businessman if shewere nanny. She wouldn't have been on her phoneishe. Probably wouldthatpresident ask Aer it. Dob A wwdot business, namly's dcom there a wholeslogan model. Is We do business and manny, so she was on the phone obzz there'snothing businessing, so then losing kids right like I don'twant to be a heldcoperparent. I want my kids to have a certain amount ofindependence feel like they can play without me being right there. But howclosely do you need t? You need to watch them closely enough that you'renot losing them rig, I mean ideally, do you remember being lost in a storegrowing up. I have lost my own children, a Obdia. That's the next point. That's the nextbullet points on my list, but do you remember being lost? No, I rememberbeeing being lost once or twice in like a grocery store or a department storeand freaking out. He freaking out not knowing what to do it's the worstfeeling in the world yeah. Maybe I L me, I feel vaguely I remember. Maybe I havesome suppressed memories. I'd have to think of to Youyou were definitely more of a freeranged. Child than I was yes, yes, I do remember one time trying to the firsttime I was ever in like a city that had stoplights trying to cross the road,and I didn't realize I was supposed to push the Walkbutton, so I just stoodthere forever, not knowing how to cross the road for like an hour so like itwas like the dot walk was flashing, so when don't walk, would flash you'd stopand then it would go off and you'd walk a couple steps of that. Don't wat theirdaughters, never e the Wak signal finly. This nice lady stopped and was like.Are you loth and I was probably like eight? I really should have known howto cross the road and a on a set of top lights. What eight years old, ares first trip to thecity Wat sitting with this avanabl fall in IDAHOFA, I was trying to thrive. OmaOrt the wall there was a spelling, beat the all, and I was working at my dad'sChristmas store, wait a second. We have completely derailed topics here.Is this a spelling B or a spelling contet its like a cxpelling contest? Idon't remember how I found out about it, but there was a spelling contest and Iwanted to go. Was this whole n a little more cafication as a Saturday? It was aSaturday. Was it school related? Did you have to register using your schoolmay now? The reason I'm asking these questions I am holding in my hand rightnow. I wish I had a camera, maybe I'll, post a picture of this on our website.I am holding a hammer. This is a first place trophy awarded two obbreceiversfor the Midway Elementary spelling contest. Think that was like firstgrade so that was first grade no you're talking about when you wereolder, I was e leave fourth or fifth grade fourth or fifth grade. Third.Fourth, fifth grade eight years old on a Saturday choosing to spend your timeat a spelling contest in Idaho falls yeah. That was my thing. I was aspeller. I won by the way I won this long ollest when I finally figured outhow to cross the road unffortunately. I only have one trophy in to geon anyselling Fonrov. I didn't get a trophy at the mall spelling contest. Did youget a gift car? They didn't have giftardsand. I think so. I don'tremember what I think they got it like a nice pat on the back. You know,speaking of gift cards, I know a guy once whose dad was the chief marketingofficer. This is parenting, so this is rcaus or so fir. OPILLA. His Dad wasthe chief marketing officer at blockbuster video blockbuster video feeding ourselvesthere yeah and his dad was the guy who came up with the idea for blockbusteredgift cards. It was at the first gift cartever andthen it went as far as I know, Andero now, as far as that e everyone's likethis is crazy. There's no way this is going to work, but here's the trickwith gift cards there're, so many...

...unused balances on gift guards. You buythe gift guard, you spend ten dollars on the gift par. You use eight dollars,that's two dollars in revenue that you're just given to the store and itexpires and made a kill it. I Lois are made a Calay five gift cards in adrawer in that house about how many of them are bockbuster. None O thatd be funny if any of them wereback to helicopter parenting yeah. So I've lost our kids a couple of timesand always for a short amount of time, butdefinitely Ling enough to T. have it be scarywell n I mean. Sometimes it was aa joint effort. We were in Seattle and Georgia got lasa Te Marquet wit OsPike's pice marketplace. Yes, I was just as you said, I've lost our kids afew times. I was thinking of myself. Oh Yeah. I think I lost aget. It was areally big one like we were really freaking out this as anseattle and yeah.I I blocked it out and SA supss SUPPRESSD Thatye. Thanks for remindingme how Oftul I am we split up because I don't know ifwe've INTR or Sury we're ot four kids. I had two, you had two, maybe I don'tknow you always take. We have five year old twins and we split thous. So youhad will one of our five year old twins and I had Georgia, the other one. Yes,it's all coming back to me. So I had the CHIB that wasn't law ESTR. We werebuying cherries and I turned around and she was gone within like a second yeah and it tookus a while to find her long enough that we got security involved. It was veryscary and that's not even it's not because Iwas trying to let her have some independence see I don't have a leashon her. I wasn't making her hold my hand, but you know you'd like to hope,then stay right there by Y, but a very crowded market. Anyone who's been there,but here's w hers what's interesting, even you- and I have differentphilosophies on this, because when I take one of the twins, they're alwaysholding my hands on were in a crowdof place. That's true, yeah, I'm not asgood about that and they try to let go off my hand and I'm like no way tery.No, I'm like please well, once Wev found her, thank goodness he found her.I held her hand after that out of fear 'cause. Now that scared me,you, you mentioned just a few seconds agoo that you don't put 'em on a leash.That's only because we happen to forget the leashes that Gr do ha. We do haveleases, it's like a cute backpack with the tail, so the kid doesn't realizeit's at leash end. They realize they hate it. Yeah, that's true. We used Hemat Lego, land, YEP, sea, World Sea Worldleyeah, one of the two. Maybe bothI don't remember, isically theme Parks Yeah An it was great until theyrealized that they were on a leash and they hated. They were very angry 'cause.Sometimes you would be holding it in then tray to go in you deat I mean IU,wouldn't fall over, but pull him back and that's not fin. Well, I don't thinkit helps that we put hem on like like a choke collar right. They can dias wel as they are now. Whatis it called? Then, a dog when they have like the chain that you pull thechain and it I don't know a E. It's awful. I don't know anything about dogsO, not ownership, o. We go go that and I'll tell aboutwhen I lost well at the zoo e SAS really bad. But is this one you haven'ttold me previously? I probably told you, but it was a while ago, so you'vesuppressed it us well we're noticing a trend that any time a kid gets lost.It's because they're with Abery, maybe you were with me when we last the firsttime we ever lost a kid, was Adeline at the children's museum in New York City,and that was both of us right. She, like she climbed into one of theclimbing structures and then I'm looking at the exit waiting for her tocome out waiting, waiting waiting and she never came out. So then I look andthere's another exit to the thing so you're you're partially right that wasboth of us s'Rbot, themn, ATS, still msno Ou of it quaite for it, except Iwas sitting in the car waiting trying to find a parking spot. The whole timeyou ere in the children's museum in New York. So as on you too, there erly manyof us sor that one actually I had to getsecurity. INBOLF too, I had to tell...

...them what she was wearing and have themhelp me find her. I remember this because we had taken a picture at thatpoint. In time we had a daily blog for our kids, so we were kind of trackingtheir growth, some peop I've heard people do this with like a plant. I thlthey'll take a picture of a seed every day and like track its growth, we didthat for our kids and put it online. I have heard I now sometimes remember todo this, that it's good to take a picture of them when you get somewhereor if you've parked to takeit of them by where, like your perking level, sothat you have it to show if you lose them, and then you remember where youparked double wammy there anyway, so with will at the zoo this one wasreally big Um. He we were playing at this. It was kind of near the zoo exitthey were playing in this play area and again this was the same G. I waswatching the exit and not realized. There was sort of another exit to it,which he wandered off through the other exit. I went into kind a check on himand he wasn't there that on was scary. You remember this. I told you aboutthat. Yeah Yeah, I'm just thinking about this multiple exit thing being atrend yeah, it's true. I need to check all exits. You usually most places havemultiple exits. You know firehazards stuff, like that H, there's, but withkids, no th, that's not always true, my favorite parks to take kids to or theparks with only one eccept, yes yeah, I'm Ta, like F There's like a climingstructure. You see them go in and it looks very contained and it looks likethey will come down, eher out a ine and then it's not so I do. I need to do thecircle. It check for all exits, make sure I'm watching all the exits. That'sthat's! Clearly. I've learned something today, Bas cood. I did eventually findhim he had. I had to go thereh and check with the employees and they had to do an alert and sealed exits, and finally, they um he had wandered of Um real far. I don't know like two hundredfeet. How long ago was this a couple of years? I think he was three two or three and lady had foundhim and an alerted staff that that this child didn't have anyond, and so I hadto give a description and they returned him to me. So luckily that Lady Wasn'ta kidnapper, yeah 'cause, we know somebody. We should talk to raic an e,a oesu. This one should stay anonymous, though baby in case she doesn't want tobe yauned yeah. We we know someone who was. There was an attempted kidnappingwhen she was a child at the zoo she rememberd herm, changing her clothes,put different clothes on her. Do they put a hat on or change her hair at allor something, but they Chad, H Y, they tried to leave, but they had her momhad gotten the exit sealed before yethead. Luckily and then the peoplethat took her ended up taking her to security thing, they found her, Ohreally. Maybe I make we should er, not aspers. We should we'll ask her battle.Tae Erewilling, to share it could be anonymous, yeah, a good idea, so I'mI'm just finishing at my google search. How have you never heard of a chokechain? You'V, never seen these usually they're on, like the big mean dogs that are scary, I mean I believe you and Ilowe that as I go like a necklace Todo, a catalry wraps around and loop through,and you pull that one and like the dogs we had growing up, did not have choketains. They were just wild muts out on the farm and we didn't need to worryabout it here. I guess I can see why people need to do that in case mean dogtrace her taxsomeone pull that Yeh. I don't know. Hopefully they onlypull it if they really are attacking someone 'cause that loo ant, I thinkthey get hem just to look cool Y H, they say: Go O kind, O fast as a go. It's like a person wearing a joker withlike metal Spida or with the big love that had h. are they using the choke chain withthe metal spikes like? Is there a function o? It's just for, looks rightnow, the Walla with a long chain hold on. There is a purpose for that, SSOthat you can pull it out of your wallet and your pocket and don't not lose itif it falls out a pickpocket, it's..., that's true! Keep someonefrom stealing it yeah okaybut. Those really long! Yes, e!! don't need to bethat long most of the time they're not, but the really long change we're goingback to like the nindating ourselves again, yeathe Ma Bacon people or Weringencos wit the big wide legs. They were, the really long change. No technicallya pickpocket could pick the pocket. Take the stuff you know be within twoor three feet, because that's ow Ong the chain was be good to go yeah F.They could get it unfastened from the chain. They know that Ote, like theOTTERS, pick pocket and put the wallet back, Anas Nong as te Ablessen ofproximity. It's true. It's like you're on a leash with the tain ile. You pullthe money out, Zoa back taking this back to true crime. I don't know thattrue crimes per th, the trucomtrue crime podcast, if the purpose was everto educate people ond how to commit a crime, but that's what they've done.That's what I understand, how that's what we're doing right now we'reeducating would be pick pocketers on how to pick pocket someone with anextremely long wallet chain. If they can go back in time. They need a timemachine d. go back to the nineties. I saw tos the other day, but did it havea superlawn wallet team? I took a picture and sent it to a friend. Tletme find it. Why didn't you send it to me? I'm offended I didn't know. Ididn't know that they knew what Ginkos were in Idaho bt. He did. It was just several. It waslike last year. It's always quite a bit later. The mill fene ano sand. Oh, hey,IDT, know e iaha an here. We have Idaho. So how do parents know if they're ahelicopter parent like we talked about hovering while kids do homework? There are a few other things Um. I hadto look the up in an article wellhohold on hold on before you get into thisarticle hovering. While they do homework, that's the only way I can getmy kids to do homework. Does that make me a helicopter par yeah like you haveto figure out how to teach them? How to do it independently that I was a parentteacher compass th other day and they G ve. They gave me a good strategy wherethey said you give them a specific amount. To do me, say: okay, I'm goingto go fold, a load of laundgry o whatever, and when I come back, thatamount needs to be done and then you come back pretty quickly. You don't oHover while they do it, but you come back pretty quickly and then, if it'snot done, there's some kind of consequence or there's a reward. If itis done- and so you don't have to hover or help the whole time, but you givethem sort of capplsright, did they give you examples of thingsthat you could do while the kids dlaundry was thedan te example forlaundry cause as you're telling that Stury, I'm thinking? Oh Cool, you dothis, I'm going to be over here on the couch on my cellphone yeah notheythey laundry te offendedthat they assume that, while my kids are doing homework, I'm doing Li. I nowI can imagine thim accurate ther ar actare conferences are coming up andthey're like all right, so these kids all stink, really bad. What strategiescan we use to get abrate to do more laundry? Yes, the homework you writethe homework strategy, no H, no hovering, and will I lian rnd doinglong she'll say I should do some laundry genia. So then also there'syou're, a helicopter parent. If you take too much responsibility for all ofyour kids' actions, this is an interesting one. So your kid hitsanother kid you you see that as your bad parenting andrather than train to help them improve. Behavior you get down on yourself hm, maybe do okay, if you're hi, if yourkid hits, then this could be another another topic here. But if your kidhits another kid, do you spink your kid o another topic for Sir I'm just thrownit out there? Okay, here's another one, not giving kids a chance to learn orfigure out things themselves. So besides homework, all the other kidsthat you all the other things your kids could learn or figure out on their own,like getting kids dressed, is a good examplehm. I still help we'll getdressed he's five and he does me. I never help him. I know this morning. Idid I like practically dressed him and...

...then immediately after I was like. Whydid I not let him do that himself every day? When is time for will e addressedand I'm the one home I say we'll go upstairs and get your clothes out andhe says: Okay Kan, he does it. I know right after I did it. I was like Iguess, I'm a helicopter parent, at least in that respect. I may not wishmy kids at the zoo, but I get them dressed until they're, eight years old,yea, okay, here's another one, not givingkids responsibility. So, like you, don't give your tourist,your kids chores, you think they won't do it well enough you're, just doing itfor them you're not giving them responsibility in other ways as well. Ican't think of any examples but chores what Da e you got O. I can only think about all theresponsibilities that we've given our kids, that they don't do ky, but maybemaybe that's us not giving them right like not giving and there you going atright, noe. That's you helicopter parenting, yourself, you're, sayingthat my kid doesn't do something well enough and it's myf! That's true! Ijust took a responsibility for my kids adus actions, you're right, no whispering. She said, I'm a hell,Itotor, parent, okay, here's, the next men, micro managing kids schedules. Idon't think I'm as bad at that. No, if anything, I'm the the worst end of thatyeah, like oh they're soccer practice. Oh, I'm fifteen minutes late to pick upall these kids for Carpool. Well in Someti, some kids need a schedule. Somekids rely on that schedule. Nubbers, that's true! Now, all of them, I feellike, I feel, like our oldest, really likes t e schedule. Maybe that's why she's Sai difficultI'm just kidding you're, not difficult an you're, great you're here, the bestwe love you so much and ot teco yeah. I think she does like as schedule. We don't provide that for her. Weprobably Shaid more. We should be better. Our kid isn't good enough. Weshould be better helicopter parenting. Jack Checked, awe do all in thehelicopter parenting except watching our kids at the zoo. Can we just changethis episode to how to be a helicopter parlike? That's what we've gote'reprobably really good at this. So just do the opposite of everything wedo and you won't be a hellicopter pet. So the goal is a happy medium ihbecauseyou! You don't want your kids to be kidnapped, but also you want them to beindependent and capable of taking responsity for their own actions andimproving their behavior. If needed, so how do you get that happy medium? I think you've got some ideas, I'm looking ate sand. I see ideallistavesthing different TOR podcast, so don't really have any idea. Here's whatlet's do I'd love to hear from our community, which is in we're clearlyalies in our commudees, currently us, but we want to throw the out there. YSister, oh, Hey, shot out. We want to hear from our community ontwitter face book. We've Gon a facebook page in a group instogram wherever yoursocial media content resides. We want to hear from you we're going to provideinformation on our website. A D accidental parenting do com link out toour social media pages and we wan to hear what is a great story abouthelicopter parenting, preferably something funny first and foremost. Butwhat have you done in your life as a parent to not be a helicopter parent,because usually that scene is a bad thing so find this onsocial media? Well,like your opinion too, do you think you know s that is that wrong that actuallypeople should be watching the kids more closely or do you agree that thathelicopter parenting is a bad thing and you would prefer it to be calledsomething else like just watching your children, yeah so put your posts outthere and don't forget Hashtag helicopter parenting makes you tag asson whatever social outlet you're O Pashtang accidental parenting. I thinkyou meant well Hash. Taggs isn't called...

Oh just for this one HASHTIC helicopterpaenting. That makes sense. This is a serioes girl thisis. I A series all right. We got ay, He Iwan. I wantto run reporting in analytics. I want to know who has made comments abouthelicopter parenting versus who has made comments about airplane HarinthingParblne, her airplane parenting, okay, I like it actually really do want to goand check that Hoshtag. What would people post a picture of for helicopterparenting? Oh maybe we should just go in to all of the Social Media Tags,helicopter parenting and tag at Accidental Tho. I like it. I pprove ittle thanks for listening today. CHECKUS out next time we're going to release a new pot cast every Monday. I just madthat has tats ioo. I thought at was interesting right,we're not people who follow schedules for our kids, but she just created aschedule for me. Yeah well, 'cause it'll be easy to record on Sunday. Giveyou some time to Shur, so we're going to release Ha new podcast. Every Monday,kN Yeh stay tuned, we're going to release a new podcast check it out.Sometime litle left, committal, liss c everyMonday, ilike hey some of my favorite pudcasts. They release one every Monday.Why not copy it works? I am excited on Mondays to get the newpod cast. It's a goodit's, a good system, tbd all right, no commitment for me allright thanks. Everyone say next Tin.

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